Oh the mistakes I make…

Our twenties are a time where we are supposed to go out on a limb. Step outside of our element… experience exciting opportunities that we won’t be able to experience when we are married with 2.5 kids living in suburbia USA. I am trying to live these 20s of mine to the fullest as you can probably tell from the posts on my blog. So remember that time ((about two weeks ago)) when I told you about a little thing called Tinder? Well Tinder bit me in the butt. Left teeth marks, the whole shebang! But since I have such a good sense of humor I’m going to share my horror stories with you guys. We can laugh together because I was laughing while it happened, why not give you guys a few chuckles at my expense?! That guy I told you about… the one that had a littleeeeee problem Image errrrr…. Producing?? Yeah, you know the guy. Well things sorta died down so I was back to just juggling one guy again. Boring, right? YES. ((I’m going to try to keep this one guy off of my blog, apparently it’s bad luck to talk about my guys on here so you will just have to keep an open mind and believe that he is straight gorgeyyyy)) So… me being the moron that I am, gets back on Tinder – I took a timeout from the app when I had two solid perspectives in my boat – and I start talking to this new guy. He was cool, funny, had his ish together too… or so it seemed. Well, on Saturday night he asked me if I wanted to have a chill night and come watch a movie. It was a lonnnnnngggg Saturday spent in a gym so a relaxing night with male company sounded fantastic so I was like sure thang, send me the address and I will come over after I shower! He was like great! Come on over. I start driving and I’m like huhhhh… this is the same way I go to Jon’s house ((TINDER prospect #1 that had the little problem))…  I keep driving, listening to Miley’s new cd on replay <#icantstop>Image and then my gps is like you have arrived. Oh I had arrived alright… AT JON’S HOUSE!!!! I was like holy hell there is no way! I believe I told you he owned restaurants and clothing stores, etc. in my previous post and that he had a pretty nice living. Well what I failed to mention was that he recently allowed three of his cousins move into a few of his spare rooms. I met two out of the three cousins on previous visits… the third I never met. Welp, jokes on me because I was about to! Sooo, I drive past his house and pull into a school a mile up the road and immediately call my best friend Lisa. I was dyiinnnngggg laughing when I called her and I was like you are not going to believe what is happening. I told her the sitch and she was like this would only happen to you! Then of course she asked what I was going to do. I went with the honesty route. I called him ((WITH Lisa on the call {{he got the three-way phone call attack, thanks Mean Girls}} because she wouldn’t let me hang up with her – she wanted to hear the hilarity as it went down)) Imageand I go “Ummmm slight problem… are you Jonathan’s cousin?” He paused for TEN SECONDS – I am not kidding you guys… It felt like forevvverrrr – and he goes “Yeah, why?” I then proceeded to  tell him that I dated his cousin… needless to say I drove myself right on home and did not stop in to say hello to the two. Turns out he really didn’t know that Jon and I had seen each other and he had a pretty good sense of humor too! We laughed about it and joked about meeting again in another life (yeahhhh rightttt) and moved on. SO, I get it. Lesson learned! I will stop trying to juggle… I’m at a good place with #GuyA [that’s how I will refer to him from now on so he stays anonymous and I don’t jinx my relationship] so I’m just going to play it out and try not to eff it up, which I tend to do more often than not. I hope this was as amusing to you as it was to the rest of my friends… I’m going to post some screenshots from that night below. Until next time…ImageImagephoto 1

Finding Prince Charming

So tonight I decided to catch up with my DVR and watch the shows I missed this week starting with The Bachelorette. It became quite apparent as I was watching this first episode that I am going to have plenty of material to write about every week after being introduced to these jokers! So I jotted down some thoughts as I was watching so it’s a little all over the place but hopefully you can follow it.

Obviously we can start a bachelorette drinking game on the fly. Looks like prince charming and blessed are going to be Des’ catch phrases… dang drunk already!

Straight to the fantasy suite Jonathan? Bold bold move… and my favorite line of his: “… and I’m going to try to kiss Desiree on the mouth…” he just keeps putting his foot in his mouth and it is just awesome. “I think I’m a pretty good catch… my mom says I’m pretty good looking… my love tank has not been depleted in years… we’re looking at a pretty large love tank.” I really really hope he has had some liquid courage for all of that talkity talk.bach

Andddd really Juan Paolo?? Did you really need to make Des feel like an idiot by mispronouncing your name four times?! Way to make an impression… an impression that you are a doucher, good thing you are gorge so we can look past it.

Well played Ben with the bring-your-kid-to-the-party-card… a little early in the game but I can respect that move. And it looks like he might be a little bit of an instigator a little later in the game… I reallllllllyyyy like that!

Drew, yum. That’s all that needs to be said. He is delish and sooooo adorbs and nice and I hope she doesn’t end up with him so I can move to Scottsdale and marry him. DIBS DES DIBS.bachelorette drew

I would also settle for Robert… who am I kidding? I call shotgun on him too Des. I can handle them both! Cheekbones for dayyyyzzz.

Brandon – you are cute but you spoke approximately 32 words with the chick and you’re convinced she’s your future wife? Wah wah wahhhhhh… desperate much?bachelorette brandon

Zak, Zak, Zak… you say you need to let Des know that you are 100% serious about this yet you forgot your shirt… hmmmm, ya don’t say.

Guy who had those spastic dance moves… I just don’t know why you thought that would get you a rose. Keep those for in front of the mirror mister. Just realized during the rose ceremony that the bad dancer was Brad. He’s super hot so he can dance like an idiot around me anytime.

HashtagYOUSOUNDLIKEANIDIOT Kasey. Why oh whhhyyyy did she give him a rose? He’s going to drive me insane. I just don’t get it she had so much to choose from… like the Magician/Suit Guy from Chi town – he could totally pull a Now You See It kind of trick and give her all of the money in the world! What was she thinking!?

All this Larry guy can talk about is that damn dip!! She didn’t dump you because of the dip, she dumped you because your name is Larry and you are most definitely going to be a serial killer sometime in the near future.

So that’s it for my Bachelorette wrap up this week! Hope you enjoyed… look forward to next week, I am because this year the Bachelorette actually did the right thing and only kept the hotties… thank goodness! Priorities!bachpremierefeature_399_282_s_c1_center_top_0_0