Some Girl(s)

My Redbox selection for this rainy Sunday was too appropriate for my mood. I rented the movie Some Girl(s) to watch on my couch, while munching on pizza, and sipping lemonade – I live the most exciting life of anyone you know – and as most movies do after I’ve had a long lonnnnggg weekend, it made me think a little deeper into the meaning behind the film. Let me give you a little background on this movie: it’s a screenplay turned indie film about a guy that is jet-setting across the US to meet up with his five ex-girlfriends that most impacted his life. He’s doing this to clear the air and make amends before he gets married. <<<I’m going to stop right there and say that if my fiancé says he wants to do this before our wedding, I’m going to say hell-to-the-NO! This guy is like making out with his exes and junk, ummm no. Not gonna fly, sir.>>> SOOO – the women in this movie are incredibly strong and defiant and pretty justified in their stances with this guy. The playwright is basically using this movie to hold men responsible for being assholes to women… for hurting women and not really having a great reason as to why… except that they just do. Also, all of the girls have guy names and the man doesn’t even have a name… he’s just “man.” I think LaBute does this on purpose. The man isn’t meant to be specific; I think he is supposed to represent all of us. Men hurt women, but women hurt men, we all hurt each other and this film is used to show the repercussions of our actions.

My favorite part of the film, is the scene with Kristin Bell and Adam Brody… Bell is the one ex that is supposed to be his soul mate… the girl that he actually loved (and may still love) and ran away from — this is the common thread in this movie, man runs away from confrontation and feelings — really lays into him when he tries to make excuses. I really admire that she is able to do this because I am incapable of expressing myself in this way. Here is the dialogue (I tried to upload a clip but it wouldn’t work so you get the script instead, sorry):

Man: Jesus Christ, can we just be civilized about this? Even if we just end up as… you know…

Bobbi: Friends? You were not about to say that were you? Huh? I don’t need any friends. Or let me be more specific… I do not need you.

Man: Well that is not very nice.

Bobbi: Well I wasn’t trying to be nice… not at all. I’m serious. I mean, why would I want to be pals with you? Buddies? Huh? Especially now? I barely wanted to see you. God, you were always this grandiose guy but I had no idea, until this moment that it might be pathological. So, no, I think friends is off the list.

Man: Look, I always meant well…

Bobbi: F you (sorry gotta edit to keep this blog PG-13)! That’s pathetic. Oppenheimer meant well. Pol Pot meant well. It’s not about the meaning, it’s about the doing. Guys always mean well right before they screw somebody over.

Man: Come on…

Bobbi: What?

Man: That’s not…

Bobbi: Not what? Not what? You think it’s alright just because it’s one person rather than a dozen or a million? When is hurting ok? Only when you say so? Or is it just open season, all of us, going at it whenever we see fit.

Man: I am not saying it’s ok to hurt but you cannot equate some war with me not calling you.

Bobbi: Why not? Who says I can’t? In fact, I already did, just now. And I’m going to stand by it, I am. Because when you do what you do, which it sounds like you’ve done, a lot, people get hurt… injured… a bit of them, some piece, it dies. They lose something that will never come back, not ever. And this part that you decide you can just take from them and damage, piss on…

Man: I didn’t take anything.

Bobbi: You DID! From me, you did. Maybe not what you thought, but you did do that. And you didn’t care. You didn’t even look back. And that… it makes you more than just an ex-boyfriend. You’re like a killer… or an assassin… some emotional terrorist who… No, no you know the truth of it is, all the stuff you do… it makes you a not very nice person. And that’s as bad as it gets, as far as I’m concerned.

kristenbell Most guys just don’t get it. They don’t. Their actions hit home a lot more often than not and they take them with a grain of salt. People aren’t just toys… you can’t just play with them and toy with their emotions and then place them back in the toy box when you are done. This movie just dramatized our passion for ignorance. This entire movie, the man is being read the riot act by each one of his exes. He acknowledges what they say but he really doesn’t hear any of them. Nothing changes. The movie ends with “man” checking out the stewardess on his flight back home. Is it like this with most guys? I really hope not…. But did the women get the closure they needed… did he? Does closure even exist? I don’t think it does. I think letting go is a much more relatable statement than closure. I don’t believe that things ever end. If you truly love someone, that love is a forever thing. You don’t just turn that emotion off. I think you have to let go… you may need to see someone and tell them that they hurt you, tell them off, or even tell them that you love them but being with them isn’t the right thing for you or whatever you might need to say to a person to help you let go. You don’t actually need them for the process, you just need them to play a role in the closure or letting go, but you are the only person that can actually move on. I might be a little far-fetched in this post but I thought this was a pretty interesting film. I love that about indie films. They have a deeper meaning than the blockbusters… a little more substance. They hit home at just the right time. Watch it… I mean what movie could go wrong when Adam Brody is the star?441972164_640

Forgiveness is more than saying sorry

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Warning: THIS MIGHT GET DEEP. I know what you’re thinking… this girl hasn’t written a post in almost two months and she’s blowing us up with three in one week?! Yeah, well deal with it, I’ve got a lot of ish going on in my life and writing is my scapegoat.

I’m a firm believer that there should be some sort of emotional cut-off limit to what a person can feel. Like you know that part of your brain that lets you know when something freakin hurts physically? Yeah, we should totally have one of those emotionally where we just stop getting our feelings hurt. Sometimes we hurt people that we care about. Sometimes we allow others that we care about to hurt us. This is life and we are human. I have made a ton of mistakes and I have a ton of flaws but we can’t always hide our flaws and we can’t always make our mistakes better.  It’s just the reality of it all and it sucks but the one thing we can change is our attitude towards it. We can forgive and maybe not forget but we can learn and grow.download

I wanted to preface this post by saying all of that before I get into the nitty gritty. When I first met my friend, I knew this was someone I always want to have in my life. I didn’t know if it was going to be in the shape of a friend or a boyfriend but what I did know was that my life was better with him in it. You guys know that I’m not great at dating. OBVIOUSLY. I do it a lot but nothing seems to come out of it. Most recently, I have figured out that I’m also bad at keeping things casual and keeping my emotions in check. And I can’t help that. I have hormones – sue me. That being said, my friend hurt me. While we have yet to define anything in our relationship ((and no I have no need – or want – to have that conversation)), is it wrong for me to expect respect? We have been ummm… getting together… for a year now and I get a message from him asking if I would be interested in his friend?! Like what?What gif Is this even real? Ohh… yep, it is because here is the text:AGAIN

Here is the dilemma – #1 I know I’m not his girlfriend. He’s not my boyfriend, we aren’t dating blah blah blah I know these things BUT in the same respect, I value him and what we have and I have so much respect for him as a friend that I expect more. I expect him to know not to ask me that. Issue #2 is that after I called him out on the bullshit, he was like I understand you’re irritated but my friends wanted me to ask you and I thought you would know it was ridiculous and wouldn’t take it seriously.uhh no Say WHAT? Here’s what I take from that: he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me or my feelings. Am I overreacting? Probably so, I’m hormonal and I know it but that’s just how it is. But really guys am I that off base? As far as I know, we’ve been close friends for three years now – yet his coworkers ask him to send me a text like that and he doesn’t stop to think “Heyyyy… this will probably hurt Katie’s feelings… maybe I shouldn’t ask her that.” But no. He didn’t even stop to think about me and that’s a problem. We kindaaaa just blew over the fall out and moved on but as you can see, I’m still harboring some mixed emotions about the whole sitch. I suck at communicating my feelings ((in person – I can write for days)) but I think I’m going to grow a pair and talk these things out with him this weekend. If I do, you guys will be the first… well not really my friends come first… but you will for sure be a close 5th to know! Thanks for listening you guys… and I know if the talk doesn’t go as planned, there is always vodka to fall back on!

Hey, It’s Ok!

I need to blog more often. The past few weeks haven’t been very eventful in my life and I apologize – I will up the ante this weekend and come up with some awesome material. For right now though, I thought that I would take a page from Glamour magazine and run with it. I’m a journaler (as if you couldn’t put that together since I write a blog) and throughout college I would write down some of my favorite quotes from Glamour’s “Hey, It’s OK!” articles. I came across my notebook when I was cleaning a few weeks ago and I thought I would share some of my favs and add a few of my own to brighten your week! I hope you enjoy these as much as I do.

HEY, IT’S OK…

To ask your friends for advice and do the complete opposite.

hey it's ok

To know that when you say, “don’t tell anyone,” they will tell at least someone.

To laugh at your own jokes. They’re hi-larious!

To say you’re allergic to mayonnaise, cigarettes, onions, etc. you get the gist 😉

To actually say “hashtag” in conversation.

To say bullshizz to women who say they are independent modern and claim they don’t want to get married. ((whatevs – more guys for us.))

To let it go to voicemail and text them back.

To wear last night’s make up to today’s work.

To not like orange juice unless it has champagne in it.

To be a little bit offended if he’s not trying to jump your bones every single time you get undressed.

To start your to-do list with a task you’ve already done.

To begin thinking about lunch as soon as you walk into work.

To wear leggings as pants.

To still be embarrassed to buy tampons from a male cashier.

To love your best friends in spite of their flaws because you will need them to love you in spite of yours… a lot.

To not turn that frown upside down.

To shove it in the closet and consider your place cleaned.

hey, it's ok 1

To support gay right 110 percent, while simultaneously wishing you had the power to turn hot guys who turn out to be gay… straight.

To quickly edit your medicine cabinet before people come over.

To step take a leap of faith on a guy.

To be nervous that your future kid will be just like you when they grow up.

To not be into this going Dutch, I’ll pay for my own half BS, on dates.

To absolutely hate seeing girls run with their hair down – what the hell do you think you’re doing?!

So this is my list of things it’s ok to feel… did I leave any off? Do you have any to add?? Feel free to add some of yours in the comments below.

Douchebaggery

Wednesday night, my friend Becky and I went to the Hawks game with two of our guy friends. It was an epic event filled with school night cocktails, Floyd Mayweather and free upgraded floor seats amongst the rich and famous. <<Pretty good lead in to the topic of this post huh?? Don’t you wish you were with us that night??>> Well the guys we were with are kind of amazing and open and while we were chatting about some hotties and douchey guys that kept passing one of our guys asked: Why do girls go for that type of guy? I, of course, tried to laugh it off and be like whhhaaa?? That’s not true – but as a girl we know it is. Girls love douchebags, bad boys and all of the stupid games they play but now that I’m starting to get older, the appeal in that type of characteristics starts to mature along with our age. Don’t get me wrong though, I still like a guy with a little edge but now I’m looking for one that’s nice but isn’t a pushover, has a career and basically has the aura of still being a bit douchey without actually being one.

A lot of girls seem to be obsessed with the fairytale romance straight out of our favorite romantic comedy… I’m not into that at all. I’m not the type of girl that needs to be in a relationship. I feel like if you are basing yourself on your relationship status no guy is EVER going to want to pursue that. And I can vouch that the older you get, the more intense the pressure is on this one. It’s pretty pathetic but life goes on. Like I told my friend Becky the other night ((Orrrr at least I tried to tell her this – it sounded much better in my head)), they just happen – relationships, that is – we can’t act like we’re casting the lead in the movie that is our life until we find the right guy all the time. We will never ever ever be able to find a boyfriend that way.

But once you find a guy who is boyfriend potential how do you not get fooled by the games guys play? How many more bs movies like He’s Just Not That Into You do we have to sit through before we learn not to be tricked into delusional dating? Lots of guys lead girls on for the most obvious reason in the world ((which I feel no need to write down)) but this isn’t why we get deceived or confused. We get deceived strictly by the way we view the interactions with the other person… i.e. hanging out, texting and yeah ok, hook ups.  I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion, believe me. Making something out of nothing is my motto. Girls gif - You tend to over think thingsLook, if a guy is trying to date you – I’m pretty sure he’ll be clear about it. Yeah they play stupid games, but if someone wants to be your boyfriend I seriously doubt you’re going to miss the freaking memo… so this is what I propose: Be honest with guys, even if it might take you out of your comfort zone or if it’s a little embarrassing… at least then you have laid all of your cards on the table and the ball is in his court – it’s ok if it takes a few pickle backs or brews to get it out of you because everyone knows alcohol confessions always count.