Forgiveness is more than saying sorry

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Warning: THIS MIGHT GET DEEP. I know what you’re thinking… this girl hasn’t written a post in almost two months and she’s blowing us up with three in one week?! Yeah, well deal with it, I’ve got a lot of ish going on in my life and writing is my scapegoat.

I’m a firm believer that there should be some sort of emotional cut-off limit to what a person can feel. Like you know that part of your brain that lets you know when something freakin hurts physically? Yeah, we should totally have one of those emotionally where we just stop getting our feelings hurt. Sometimes we hurt people that we care about. Sometimes we allow others that we care about to hurt us. This is life and we are human. I have made a ton of mistakes and I have a ton of flaws but we can’t always hide our flaws and we can’t always make our mistakes better.  It’s just the reality of it all and it sucks but the one thing we can change is our attitude towards it. We can forgive and maybe not forget but we can learn and grow.download

I wanted to preface this post by saying all of that before I get into the nitty gritty. When I first met my friend, I knew this was someone I always want to have in my life. I didn’t know if it was going to be in the shape of a friend or a boyfriend but what I did know was that my life was better with him in it. You guys know that I’m not great at dating. OBVIOUSLY. I do it a lot but nothing seems to come out of it. Most recently, I have figured out that I’m also bad at keeping things casual and keeping my emotions in check. And I can’t help that. I have hormones – sue me. That being said, my friend hurt me. While we have yet to define anything in our relationship ((and no I have no need – or want – to have that conversation)), is it wrong for me to expect respect? We have been ummm… getting together… for a year now and I get a message from him asking if I would be interested in his friend?! Like what?What gif Is this even real? Ohh… yep, it is because here is the text:AGAIN

Here is the dilemma – #1 I know I’m not his girlfriend. He’s not my boyfriend, we aren’t dating blah blah blah I know these things BUT in the same respect, I value him and what we have and I have so much respect for him as a friend that I expect more. I expect him to know not to ask me that. Issue #2 is that after I called him out on the bullshit, he was like I understand you’re irritated but my friends wanted me to ask you and I thought you would know it was ridiculous and wouldn’t take it seriously.uhh no Say WHAT? Here’s what I take from that: he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me or my feelings. Am I overreacting? Probably so, I’m hormonal and I know it but that’s just how it is. But really guys am I that off base? As far as I know, we’ve been close friends for three years now – yet his coworkers ask him to send me a text like that and he doesn’t stop to think “Heyyyy… this will probably hurt Katie’s feelings… maybe I shouldn’t ask her that.” But no. He didn’t even stop to think about me and that’s a problem. We kindaaaa just blew over the fall out and moved on but as you can see, I’m still harboring some mixed emotions about the whole sitch. I suck at communicating my feelings ((in person – I can write for days)) but I think I’m going to grow a pair and talk these things out with him this weekend. If I do, you guys will be the first… well not really my friends come first… but you will for sure be a close 5th to know! Thanks for listening you guys… and I know if the talk doesn’t go as planned, there is always vodka to fall back on!

Friendship.

Hello Hello HELLOOOO. Remember me? No? Yeah, I know… I’m sorry I’ve been mia as of late but these last few weeks have been absolutely packed!! But I’m making time for you now so please forgive me for neglecting my blog. This is going to be a little somber of a post but it’s been a bit rough lately. Dealing with guy drama is normal for me but when I have to deal with work, friendships, guys and family stuff at the same time – everything gets a little out of control and weird and depressing and scary all at once. It’s overwhelming. I’m overwhelmed.

They say bad news comes in threes… well when it comes to me, I believe that it comes in the tens. Stressing over money… or the lack of it, praying that I passed my teaching certification so that maybe I can get my life together and have a career, having one of your best friends pissed at you and then finding out your favorite aunt has cancer and doesn’t want to fight it and that your great-grandfather is on his last leg is a lot to handle. I think it would be a lot for anyone to handle… I don’t think it’s just me. It’s times like these where you put things into perspective. Trivial things like a fight with a friend about something that happened in the past doesn’t seem as important when you have things like death lingering around you but then again, not having that friend when you are dealing with these things brings it back around full circle where you need to take the time to fix it. I pride myself on my honesty… I think sometimes that maybe I am too honest but I think that my feelings are important. I will always believe that speaking your mind is the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone’s feelings. My friend and I currently have a difference of opinion but I think it’s important to talk about it. I think our friendship is important enough to talk it out. I suggested doing it over drinks because I’m a firm believer that the best convos happen over cocktails. There’s a little more openness and truthfulness with alcohol that make conversations a lot more real and if it leads to an argument… well, that’s ok! Because it’s ok to argue. We all know that the ones that drive you crazy are the ones that you love the most, so it’s ok to get mad and to voice how you feel but I also think it’s ok to be modest enough to apologize. Apologize and don’t ever hold a grudge… you never know when the last words you say to someone will be your last.

I believe it’s important to see both sides to an argument and to move on. I believe having solid friendships is healthy and listening will go a long way. I don’t believe in the silent treatment, but am guilty of doing it. I believe in love and I believe in bonds between the people you are closest with and that everything can be ok. I believe in happy endings.