Forgiveness is more than saying sorry

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Warning: THIS MIGHT GET DEEP. I know what you’re thinking… this girl hasn’t written a post in almost two months and she’s blowing us up with three in one week?! Yeah, well deal with it, I’ve got a lot of ish going on in my life and writing is my scapegoat.

I’m a firm believer that there should be some sort of emotional cut-off limit to what a person can feel. Like you know that part of your brain that lets you know when something freakin hurts physically? Yeah, we should totally have one of those emotionally where we just stop getting our feelings hurt. Sometimes we hurt people that we care about. Sometimes we allow others that we care about to hurt us. This is life and we are human. I have made a ton of mistakes and I have a ton of flaws but we can’t always hide our flaws and we can’t always make our mistakes better.  It’s just the reality of it all and it sucks but the one thing we can change is our attitude towards it. We can forgive and maybe not forget but we can learn and grow.download

I wanted to preface this post by saying all of that before I get into the nitty gritty. When I first met my friend, I knew this was someone I always want to have in my life. I didn’t know if it was going to be in the shape of a friend or a boyfriend but what I did know was that my life was better with him in it. You guys know that I’m not great at dating. OBVIOUSLY. I do it a lot but nothing seems to come out of it. Most recently, I have figured out that I’m also bad at keeping things casual and keeping my emotions in check. And I can’t help that. I have hormones – sue me. That being said, my friend hurt me. While we have yet to define anything in our relationship ((and no I have no need – or want – to have that conversation)), is it wrong for me to expect respect? We have been ummm… getting together… for a year now and I get a message from him asking if I would be interested in his friend?! Like what?What gif Is this even real? Ohh… yep, it is because here is the text:AGAIN

Here is the dilemma – #1 I know I’m not his girlfriend. He’s not my boyfriend, we aren’t dating blah blah blah I know these things BUT in the same respect, I value him and what we have and I have so much respect for him as a friend that I expect more. I expect him to know not to ask me that. Issue #2 is that after I called him out on the bullshit, he was like I understand you’re irritated but my friends wanted me to ask you and I thought you would know it was ridiculous and wouldn’t take it seriously.uhh no Say WHAT? Here’s what I take from that: he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me or my feelings. Am I overreacting? Probably so, I’m hormonal and I know it but that’s just how it is. But really guys am I that off base? As far as I know, we’ve been close friends for three years now – yet his coworkers ask him to send me a text like that and he doesn’t stop to think “Heyyyy… this will probably hurt Katie’s feelings… maybe I shouldn’t ask her that.” But no. He didn’t even stop to think about me and that’s a problem. We kindaaaa just blew over the fall out and moved on but as you can see, I’m still harboring some mixed emotions about the whole sitch. I suck at communicating my feelings ((in person – I can write for days)) but I think I’m going to grow a pair and talk these things out with him this weekend. If I do, you guys will be the first… well not really my friends come first… but you will for sure be a close 5th to know! Thanks for listening you guys… and I know if the talk doesn’t go as planned, there is always vodka to fall back on!

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A Man’s World – No, no, no, it’s not.

Tonight, my brother’s girlfriend dyed my hair. This is something I felt I needed to say because I am such a prude when it comes to change. I never everrrrr take chances on my hair or anything look wise, really. If something ain’t broke, why fix it? Ya know? Well I took a chance and dyed my hair… nothing drastic, I’m not that bold, but I took it a shade or two darker… baby steps… and it looks ab fab! Not gonna lie, I’m a happy camper. The hair dying is just a segue into the real reason I’m writing this blog… after my hair affair my big brother, better known as Dr. Phil, enlightened Brie and I on the mind of a male. I’m going to ask you guys this: When you think of going to a drive-in movie what do you think? My mind immediately jumps to Grease ((which now that I’m thinking of it – – Danny definitely tried to cop a feel))Grease-Drive-In-Movie my friend Jackie’s went to Twister but my brother said his and every straight male’s mind goes straight to sex. Here is his first quote of the night: “It’s one of those things people do to say you’ve done it. Just because it’s ON THAT LIST. Who goes to the drive in and doesn’t try to hit it? It’s like going to New York and not going to Time Square. It’s Time Square, you’ve gotta go even though you know it’s weak, that’s just how it works.” His girlfriend and I were arguing that you could go to a drive in without being sexual. He disagreed. As much as I hate to admit he’s right, he brought up many valid points. He compared it to the list of places people bone just because you can say you did it there. Like the beach or a pool or an airplane… Here’s another little dialogue that went down:

Marques: Why do you think people try to hook up on an airplane? They flew out of the same house together, slept with each other… are going to a hotel room to sleep with each other in that city but they still try to sleep together in the bathroom? Why do you think they’re doing that?

Brie: The Mile High Club.

Marques: Thank you. Exactly, thank you! Certain things are on the list of checkpoints that guys have to do.

He then started in on the single life in Atlanta… saying that as a single attractive woman your game has got to be up in Atlanta. The competition is different… it’s higher. In Alabama, he said it’s like competing for the high school team but in Atlanta, you’re competing for the ALL STAR TEAM. It’s like the prettiest girls from all of those small towns come here. Now what? It’s like who’s going to shine here? There are more girls, more beautiful women.

Dating is hard worknot dating is hard… kinda dating is hard, everything is hardpost-16031-Thats-What-She-Said-gif-Imgur-0WsL

Guys are physical. Big brother’s advice to me? Stay on point. When you don’t put in the work, there are 20 million of women that will, he said. Personally, I’m more of a t-shirt and nike shorts kind of girl so the being on point thing…  yeahhhhhh that’s something I definitely need to work on. And I think I will… I’m going to give Dr. Phil’s advice (and I have a 20 minute voice recording of it – this was some real therapy ish, I promise) a real go at it! What I’ve been doing obviously hasn’t been working so why not try taking advice from a guy that has never had to pursue a woman in his life. I’m going to give myself a makeover… the prettier version of me is going to hit the scene in Atlanta in pursuit of my dream guy. First step: getting back in shape. I gotta feel better about myself first, right? It all starts on Wednesday… primarily because I hate Monday’s and Tuesday’s are crazy days for me soooo Wednesday it is! Wish me luck 😉

I know… But I’m back

It’s been a while. I’ve been lazy guys. Really effin lazy. I started a new job and things got a little chaotic for a second but now that I’ve gotten the hang of everything I think I can get back to the important things… aka this ab fab blog. We are just going to call the past two months a creative hiatus. A time away from writing where I could figure my ish out.download

For my first blog back from my creative time out I think I should let you have a glimpse back into my love life. It’s usually a big hit…. Primarily because my love life is such a freakin disaster that everyone is amused by my mistakes. Well ladies and gents… I will not disappoint! I am full of stories and blunders, I promise.

Have you heard of a little thing called Tinder? imagesWell when my friend first showed me the app on the way to an engagement party… irony at its finest, I know. Here’s how it works: swipe right if you think the guy is hot, swipe left if you don’t. It’s as simple as that. It’s a superficial little game that I am completely obsessed with. If I swipe right for a guy and he swipes right as well then we get to have a little chatski. Now not all the guys you come across on this handy little app are dateable. But that’s why it allows you to chat- you can assess the sitch and exchange numbers or block them from talking to you ever again. So after spending six hours a day on the addictive little app, I’ve had a ton of dates. photoA few really solid ones! Let me tell you about a few of them:

My first ever Tinder guy took me to a Falcons game. It was hands down, the best first date I have ever been on. He was the perfect gentleman, GORGEOUS, athletic… yeah total package… we even went out with the Falcons players after the game. Why am I not still talking to him? Well, I am… but he lives in Texas sooooo there’s that. Not a whole lot coming from it. BUT embarrassing Katie moment?? Anyone?? Here it is – when he told me his name ((before our date)) I googled him, because what else is someone with internet access supposed to do with that information?! Well I came across some pictures and one was a pic of him and his adorable niece. Welp, in one of our amazing convos we were talking about our nieces and nephews and he pulls out THE pic of him and his niece and I was like “Awwww yeah, I saw that on your Tinder profile, she’s so cute!” I thought I was being sooo sweet until he said, “This picture isn’t on my profile.” Ummm… whoopsiesss CAUGHT! I played it off pretty well and we moved on but here is just a little word of advice: the whole internet stalking thing? Yeah… we all do it, just don’t get caught!

Next I went on a few random meetups over drinks that didn’t go anywhere but to guys in my phone that I occasionally text or snapchat with.IMG_1140[1]

But now, the success story… well success-ish. I met this guy a little over a month ago on Tinder. He is good looking, successful, funny and just an all-around good guy. He’s a sweet guy and I really enjoy being around him. He’s 33 and he has his shit together. Which is a far cry from the typical frat-tastic guys I usually attract. Everything was going fine and dandy up until last week… we decided to try (((KEY WORD GUYS))) to take our relationship to the next level… you know what level I’m referring to, no need to spell it out. Let me get right into the story. I was having a rough day on Thursday… it was long, progress report grades were due in, I had meetings all morning, and to end it all we had two volleyball matches – both of which we lost. It was just a rough night. Well he offered to go get me dinner from one of his restaurants (yes, he owns restaurants… right up my alley since I am a closeted fat girl) and bring it back to his house so I could unwind. He even offered up a massage [one that I definitely cashed in and was surprisingly satisfied by how amazing it was – he went all out! Lotion and everything… and yes it was JUST a massage, you dirty FUHHHREAKSSS] to make me feel better. I got to his sick house and ate a delicious dinner from his restaurant and settled in to watch The New Atlanta. ((THIS is a whole other story – please don’t watch that show… it’s embarrassing that our city is being portrayed by these nobodies… EXCEPT our friend Tribble – who isn’t doing himself any favors by being on it)) We laughed and watched the show, cuddled… one thing led to another and next thing I know we are up in his room. Everything was fine and dandy until we hit a minor snag… he had a little bitty problem seeing as he’s on anxiety meds :/ I tried to make light of the sitch and laugh it off and say it was ok but I know he was so embarrassed… well ever since that night things have cooled off between us. We still text every day but I haven’t seen him in 8 days (not that I’m keeping track… I’m such an embarrassment)… hopefully I can reassure him that all is ok… That it’s no big deal and I’m still interested because he is a freakin goodddddd prospect. I will keep you updated because I know that’s what you want 🙂 I’ve missed you all and I’m going to leave you with some pics from the past two months to let you know that nothing has changed since I’ve become a teacher… I’m still fun y’all, I promise!IMG_0505 IMG_0537 IMG_0660 IMG_0765 IMG_0811 IMG_1053

Insecurities… Friends… Typical week

So I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago and am just getting around to posting it. So I’m sorry that I’ve been lazy and that this is a little dated but I wrote it so I’m not going to waste it… duhhh – we just went over how lazy I am!

Here comes another post that is all over the place. Really though, you should be used to it by now… thoughts in my head just jumble together and I roll with it. So let’s do this.

Insecurities. We all have them. From body issues, friends and family, all the way to relationships – they exist. If you say you don’t have any insecurity, I trust you about as far as I can throw you, which more than likely isn’t far, fat ass. But the problem with my insecurities is that I tend to over compensate… I try to smother my insecurities by being more than I am. I try to become the life of the party… the most confident person in the room. Usually it’s a charade but it helps me to get past the initial insecurity of entering a room… that or a little liquid courage usually does the trick and we all know which of the two I prefer. I was thinking about this when I got home yesterday from my typical Saturday night of debauchery. I sat on my couch and wondered if anyone could see through the fakeness and recognize me, a girl with insecurities that is trying a little too hard to mask them. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a great time when I’m out. I love acting out and once I do have a few drinks, I’m so comfortable that I don’t care what I say or do. If I want to hook up with a guy that I’m attracted to, then I’m going to do it. ((Which come to find out this weekend, my definition of the words “hook up” are a hell of a lot different than other peoples… who knew that people assumed you meant you boned when you say hook up?? I sure didn’t! Whoopsiess))New Girl gif - When did everyone get cool at sex I’m a firm believer that women should be able to enjoy their connections with men anytime… that means regardless of whether they are out on a formal date. My personal feelings are that if you want to hook up, hook up! And afterwards be NORMAL. Crack a joke… because a casual, fun hook up is just that – fun and casual, not anything more. Girls gif - I'm attracted to everyoneBut come to find out, this view of mine is an issue for some people I hang out with, but you know what??? It’s my life and they are my decisions and I’m not going to let anyone tell me to do it differently. Don’t get me wrong though… you should listen to your friends… their opinions matter, but then so do yours… I mean it’s your life to live and your mistakes to make.

So on Sunday, I was rehashing the previous night with a friend when she said that she thought I “have a problem” when it comes to the way I am with guys. I didn’t know how to take the comment so instead of being the sassy person I usually would be, I just responded that I didn’t care. If people want to perceive me in a certain light, let them. 2 Broke Girls gif - Who cares I'm awesomeIf they don’t agree with what I do or don’t do it doesn’t bother me. But it did bother me that my friend said this and got so bent out of shape when I said that I didn’t care. Which brings me to about an hour ago, when I started to think about this post and what direction I was going to take it in… I have decided to throw it back to a comment I made earlier this year when I said that the hardest relationships to maintain are your friendships. Aren’t they though?? They are a little stressful, especially when you have friends that are so different than you are. But if you ask me ((and you all are since you’re reading my blog in the first place)), I think it’s ok to disagree with your friends. I think that your girl friends will always break your heart more than boyfriends will and I think that a lot of the time they don’t even know they are doing it. In the same light though, disagreeing and hearing opinions of others only builds respect for one another, right? Gif - You're entitled to your WRONG opinion

Look, I’m probably the worst person to take advice from because I think I see things completely different than most – but if you’re unhappy with something in your life – whether it’s with a friend, lack of a relationship, lack of money, whatever it is – and you are losing sight of who you are… just relax, take a step back and reevaluate. That’s what I spent the afternoon doing. I’ve said it before – hell, I think I wrote it last weekwe only get one chance… one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, will you capture it, or just let it slip [sorry, couldn’t resist an Eminem plug… he’s a weakness]… but moving on… you deserve to be happy and to be surrounded by people that encourage and support you and your decisions {Good and Bad}. If you aren’t feeling the love or support from your peeps, maybe it’s time to cool it… hang out with someone different for a while. I dunno, that seems a bit drastic, even to me but I’m thinking that might be something I need to do so I can maintain that relationship, because it is important to me.

That’s all I have to say for today…I’m gonna sign off of this post with a throwback jam that’s playing right now as I’m typing away – some Michael Tolcher ladies and gents, thank me later.