Bum Central

Ok I apologize – I have been such a bum this week and haven’t posted. I’m going to blame it on the amount of alcohol i consumed last weekend and you are going to accept it. So just give me this weekend and I promise you that on Monday I’m going to post a KICK A piece that will rock your socks.

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Meet my main squeeze Becky

ATTENTION!!! Take a timeout from stalking randos on Facebook, twittering about KimYe’s lovechild, and focus! This is a BIG deal… ok so it’s not the biggest deal, but I did something new!  I asked my best frandss… to write a guest blog. I thought that it would be a good way to start our new year… so I asked them what they would like to accomplish in 2013. They came up with some good goals to share with you guys – and the first post is coming from Becky. She kinda rocks my socks with her rainbows and butterflies persona [never seen anything like it] and her goals this year are legit so I’m going to help corrupt her some more this year and make sure all of her dreams come true. I’m like Mary Poppins that way! I’m going to let her introduce herself so take it away my friend!

Hello to all! I’m sure by now you all have read some of Katie’s blogs involving me, but to formally introduce myself, I’m Becky. I’m pretty bad at describing myself so I’m just going to list off some basics for you to the get the picture. I’m almost 25 (ahh!!!), blonde hair, blue eyes, I guess I’m a southern belle… definitely shy and on the quiet side, a people pleaser, I like to smile and laugh a lot, I see the glass half full (all the time!), I’m sarcastic and I make a lot of corny jokes (I always laugh and slap my knee at them…). I work for my families business as the marketing guru and at J. Crew on the side (because I have a shopping problem). Outside of work, I spend most of my time at the gym (slightly obsessed), playing tennis, traveling to see friends (Boston is the best city ever!) and hanging out with my BFF’s! I think that sums it up for now!

This year, 2013, I have 4 resolutions. All of them result in the same thing: Me being happy (Sounds selfish and maybe egotistical, but I have issues with it). The first two are a little lighter, but I truly believe it’s the small things in life that make you happy.

  1. I recently moved to the city to start 2013! Yayy! With my new life in the city, I want to try at least 2 new restaurants/bars every month. I want to make the most of my new life change and I think this will be a great way to do so. This leads into my second resolution because they go hand in hand…
  2. I am indeed a native Atlantan. Born and raised (minus the 4 years I went to school in Ohio) and I shamefully must admit to things I have never done in the city! I have never been to a Hawks game, crazy, I know! Other things on the list of many include: Climb Stone Mountain, Spend an afternoon in Piedmont Park, Eat at Mary Macs Tea House and Pitty Pats Porch. You all get the idea.

The next two get a little deeper. Before addressing them, there a few things you should know about me. I think two words almost everyone would say about me when asked are: Sweet and Kind. I have been burned many times and left in heartache because of these two qualities, but I refuse to change those things about me, because it IS who I am and how I define myself. On the less positive side, two of my worst qualities are my lack of confidence and my inability to put myself out there. These two qualities really hinder all parts of my life, however easier said than done to change them. So onto my last 2 resolutions…

  1. Be more confident in myself. Although my family and friends (esp my amazing chica’s Katie, Court and E) tell me all the time I am an amazing person and beautiful, I just don’t see it in myself. This applies to all aspects of my life: dating, work, looks etc… I lost a lot of weight within the past couple of years (still very curvy and not a size 2, 4 or 6!), I am happy with myself, but still don’t think I am pretty. I doubt myself a lot at work and don’t always think I know what I am doing (which I don’t always), so I want to be more confident that the work I do is quality (I am a very hard worker, always give 100% and I’m constantly told by my boss how awesome I am and he couldn’t do what he does without me), I just need to believe that myself. My lack of confidence when it comes to dating and boys (liking me) is atrocious and too complicated to go into, just know that I have 0% confidence in that fact that guys want to date me and therefore REALLY want to work on gaining confidence there.
  2. Finally, I recently realized I have two fears that really hold me back (and mess with my confidence) that I want to work on in 2013. First, I have a HUGE fear of rejection. I know no one wants to or enjoys being rejected, but I literally can’t stand the thought. So as Katie tells me often, I need to be more ballsy and do ballsy things. The worst that can happen is something doesn’t work out or someone says no (just typing that made me nauseous). My second fear is not being wanted (also messing with my confidence). I have a lot of really great friends. Katie, Courtney and Erin are such amazing friends it’s insane , I don’t know how I got so lucky. I also have a group of guy friends I grew up with and I know would die/kill for me (and now their amazing GF’s as well, esp my Love Muff). I’ve kept in touch w 3 great people who I don’t go a week without talking to from college and my bff from high school who is more like my sister. So I know what I’m about to say sounds STUPID, but yet, I have a fear of not actually being wanted by any of these people or by new people I meet (possible love interests to be specific). I get worried people don’t actually like me, or want to hang out with me or would want to me (again, specific to love interests). It stems from past friends who have burned/ hurt me and guys that I have dated who have done the same. So in 2013, I WILL get past this ridiculous fear and realize that I AM wanted and loved.

So wish me luck in 2013! I think these are all very achievable resolutions (in which I’ll be needing my chica’s to help me with for sure!). I am sure there will be highs and lows, jokes/smiles and probably some more heartache and tears. But I WILL be happy and I WILL give it my all!

– Becky

My Ride or Die Trick

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These guys…

I had this past weekend figured out… I had a plan to relax, write a few blog posts, go to volleyball and then have some “me” time. I would like to start by saying plans are BS. Complete and utter BS. If you actually believe that things will go according to plan you are an idiot (guilty) – sorry but ish is about to get real. My weekend started on Friday night <as most weekends do> with one text that defined that night and about half of my Saturday. Those few words that let me know that my dreaded ex has in fact become engaged to the rebound girl. ((Thanks to my good friend Katie who pointed that fact out – really though… who marries the rebound girl?)) – PS. There’s WHOLE hell of a lot of drama attached to the new fiancé, I’m not just hating on the first girl he turned to… who do you think I am?! Some raging hormone crazed betch? Um no.

Anyways… According to someone you’re allowed to have half of the length of your relationship to get over it. I am THERE, have been. I’m thinking that whoever came up with that length of time probably was unhappy with the person they were hooking up with or maybe they hadn’t had a date since that relationship – or they weren’t like me and for the most part over it for the last few months OF that relationship anyways. With all of this being said I think I am/was entitled to a mini freak out of my own {which I did indulge in}…NOT because I had feelings for my ex [COURTNEYYYY] – I mean we broke up, it’s called a breakup for a reason… because it’s FREAKIN BROKE –  but I had dedicated a good amount of time to this guy and he turned out to prove to me that he wasn’t the person I thought he was. Now, I don’t wish him any ill will… because I don’t care one way or another. I will be the bigger person – who knows, I might even smile or give him a wave when I see him next because the way I see it is the person that cares the least has the power and is by default… the winner.

So this mini freak out that I had caused me to take a step back and think about the guys (lame-o’s) that I have dealt with lately. Whether it was a personal experience or not… maybe you can shed some light on how to tread with these bachelors.  

Hypothetical Guy #1: Sayyyy for instance you meet this guy. He’s got that whole nerdy-Jason Segal-swag to him and he gets your sense of humor… there’s alcohol involved so an innocent night of catch phrase turns into a morning of shame and you leave with a little dignity and a business card. Yep, that’s right, a business card. Who does he think you are? Some nice girl that would actively pursue a guy? Like I said in a previous post, if I can hold out for hours on end just to respond to your text message, what makes you think that I would ever read your number off of your card, type it into my phone and call you?? Please. What is the point of this? Does he really think you are going to text him and ask him out? The only exception to this is if freakin ADAM LEVINE gives you his number – then it’s balls to the walls ladies. Am I right though? A guy should be trying to impress you and him not getting your number and giving you a business card (joke or not) is basically saying ‘I’m a douche with a job, impress me lady.’ I’m not saying to become some phone number handing out slore (E…) but a guy who give you his number and doesn’t take yours doesn’t have confidence. Give your number to a guy if you’re into him when the situation arises… or if you’re really drunk and that’s the only escape route. < Been there! >

Hypothetical Guy #2: This guy is never around when you need but always around when it’s convenient to him… he wants to talk to you when he wants to talk to you… he wants to see you when he wants to see you… yeah I think you get it. There are always women in his life… like always, but he makes you laugh and he listens to you when you’re upset but there never seems to be anything more. It’s frustrating as hell and even worse – it’s confusing. Does he or doesn’t he want to try something more? I feel like with this is the guy we’re always holding onto hope for so I’m going to propose a new solution. Know when to walk away… be able to let go of hoping for an idea that is better left to sail away into the great beyond to become someone else’s problem. They say let something go and if it’s meant to be it’ll come back… or something like that (not really into the poetry thing – sue me). Maybe removing the guy is what he needs to change. I dunno… I’m no expert but I do understand the game a little and it’s worth a go.

Hypothetical Guy #3: The A hole. Why is there always a guy in a woman’s life that is just a DOUCHE? Yeah – no the nice guy doesn’t always get the girl but neither should the doucher that treats you like ish. When you call him, he knows you’re a jump away from paying for his dinner and doing his freaking laundry. Why repeatedly put yourself through it? Really though… think back. You all have had at least one guy like this in your life. They are hard to escape but once you do, let ‘em go. Let him torture someone else and you go find a nice guy to entertain your time with.

I’m tired of writing so I’m going to end on this note: At 25 (almost), you are now seeing that you are getting old…ish – so stop dating jerks, take yourself seriously, don’t beat yourself up over your ex getting engaged when you’re still on the prowl, work out – because there’s no use in getting fat and comfortable when you could be playing hard to get with at least three guys at once, be young but grow up, spread your wings and fly and all that jazz… just live your life and let your guard down. Grow a pair… It’ll be ok, I promise.

 

A 90s Comeback

This past week I have had a few moments of clarity. In class last week, as I was getting ready to put a VHS tape into a VCR (yes guys they do still exist, get real) a student asked me a question that threw me for a loop.

Student A: Ms. Johnson, what’s a VCR?

Me: Seriously?

The other students laughed and explained to the naïve little kid what a VCR was and then another student spoke up with a comment that really made me think.

Student B: What is this? The 90s??

Now as offensive as this was to me and my age(no I’m not old but I might have an early life crisis on my birthday) it made me pause for a second and come to the realization that IT MIGHT AS WELL BE. Seriously. Let’s think about it. Now I was a child of the 90s and I loved every minute of it. What child from the 90s didn’t love waking up Saturday mornings sitting in front of the TV chomping down on a bowl of Trix while watching Power Rangers (the original NOT the millionth episode they’ve put together when the casting directors were clearly being racist when they made the black ranger black and the yellow ranger Asian… you can’t get anything past us), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and catching up on the latest episodes of Clarissa Explains it All and Even Stevens. But really, the 90s are making a comeback… and here’s my case:

#1: THE SPICE GIRLS – The greatest moment of my 2012 was seeing the Spice Girls perform during the opening ceremonies. They were the queens of the 90s and their performance confirmed the fact that the 90s we’re definitely on the fast track of a comeback.Spice Girls Gif

#2: FASHION – Denim and crop tops are no longer for children and street walkers and are for the everyday norm. Never thought I’d see the day when I wanted to rock a denim shirt with a pair of skinnies.

#3: TOYS – Am I the only one that was completely thrown when this years most wanted toys list came out and Furby was featured on it?! Don’t be confused… this is a Furby of the future with “a mind of its own.” Shockingly it’s compatible with the iPad, iPhone, iEVERYTHING and Android products. As if they could make a toy that isn’t technologically up-to-date.

#4: BOY MEETS WORLD/ GIRL MEETS WORLD – What would this post be without a tribute to the comeback to one of my favorite tv series of the 90s. This gem is coming back in full force accompanied with none other than Cory and Topanga. If you aren’t ecstatic over this reunion I don’t know you.

#5 BOY BANDS – The boy bands of the 90s centered around the musical stylings of N*Sync and The Backstreet Boys. Choosing which boy band was your boy band said more about your character than anything a therapist could pinpoint. Now we have English boy bands invading our top 40 and the shift to group vocalists is back!

THANKSgiving

I had to take a week break from writing to celebrate Thanksgiving and my cousin’s wedding. Yes… another wedding. As much as I love holidays that involve huge freaking meals and days full of parades and football, I will say that this Thanksgiving was the worst for my self-esteem. Since it was shared with a wedding this year it included my entire family asking me what I’m going to do with my life and when I am going to buckle down and get married. I mean REALLY!! I miss those Thanksgivings from college where you came home and reunited with your high school best friends and I gave thanks to how my looks and body were changing for the best and in my head how everyone is really jealous of my life ((yeahhh that is all in my head but who cares – it’s my blog, I can write/fantasize about whatever I want!)). But now I find myself in the reality of being 25 and single (one of the only ones of these said friends from high school that isn’t married) and responding to my grandmother’s statements of “We need to remember this for your wedding” –to WHAT imaginary guy with “I’m giving thanks for NOT having a [permanent] guy in my life right now.”

This brings us to today… where I am evaluating my attempt to play hard with a certain someone. The eval goes like this: It’s pretty darn ineffective right now. This is a challenge for me because I like to think this is my forte but right now I am STRUGGLING. So here we go…  I thought I would start off by defining “playing hard to get” as found on dictionary.com (yeah, really… it’s in there). It says that “playing hard to get” is pretending to be inaccessible or uninterested; acting coy, especially with the opposite sex {SIDENOTE: soooo gays can’t play hard to get? Ehh… pretty sure they are the queens of it}. Let me be clear though… Playing hard to get is not to be confused with being a tease or leading guys on. I mean being a tease is for born again virgins that are on the fast track to convince themselves that a smile and a look their way isn’t enough for them to panty drop and hop in the sack and leading guys on is for insecure slores that need attention. I am neither of these pathetic options. I am a talented trick that is usually pretty solid in male campaigns. So a few things that I have learned along this journey of trying to play hard to get are here:

–          When it comes to texting I have the will(or don’t)power of a saint. I can wait hours to text guys back (I didn’t say I didn’t type my response or read his message 30 times within this wait) or be completely indifferent with my response. But NEVER both!!You can’t be both delayed and unimpressed when you text a guy back. The whole point of this strategy is to create uncertainty not to be a stone cold betch. Another little tip is this: YOU can initiate a convo (SOMETIMES). Here’s the disclaimer – you can never contact him more than he contacts you. There has to be a little push and a little pull in the relationship so despite our girly instinct of not reaching out first, sometimes it’s ok to take the reins and make a move.

–          The next step I’ve learned is to just have a life. My life is hectic. I coach volleyball and basketball and work at a school all day and on the days I have early practice I play in an adult volleyball league. When I say I’m not available, I’m usually not available. I think that the less available you are makes you more wanted. No guy wants to hang out with someone whose most fun activity they have scheduled during the week is hanging out with them.

–          So my friends and I frequent bars on the weekend and despite the incredible disappointment that this weekend brought in the attractive guys department we usually do pretty well at getting male attention. One thing that you have to know when it comes to bar-hard-to-get-etiquette is that eye contact is an invitation. Only the delusional guys that have no chance talk to randos without anything to go on so the whole eye contact thing let’s guys know it’s ok for them to come say hi. After that eye contact is made our job is done. If he comes over to talk and he’s actually interesting chat or dance with him. If he’s a total douche show him the door. NOTE: if you are feeling extra confident (drunk) commit to the ‘come hither’ motion with your finger just once… I am two for two with it and I will stand by that it works on hot guys!