FWBs

I do this all the time… the not writing because I’m in a funk thing… it’s like this blog is my cycle and I get so grumpy for a couple of weeks and then after it passes I’m good again! Welp guys, I’m good again and I have had a crazy few weeks so I have plenty of material to write about the next few posts. I’m going to start with my favorite topic of all time… guys, of course! What kind of person would I be if I didn’t give you the low down on my love life? I’m not that selfish!

I’ve said it before and I will say it again… you cannot help how you feel about a person! Pretty much every girl I know has that one guy that they always go to. Your closest guy friend… the cute, straight friend that is totally platonic ((except for that one timeeee….)) that you text when something is funny, or when you hear that song that reminds you of that one time where you guys did that thing – you know what I’m talking about. But at some point –seriously, don’t even try to deny this – one of you, or maybe both of you, will start to feel something a little different. This is happened to me a few times… when I was in high school, I had more than friend feelings for my closest guy friend for about six years and I never said a thing! I always thought there would be a “right time” to tell him but that never came. Now he’s married with a child on the way and we only speak to each other when we are attending the same social functions. There’s no bitterness, I’m so happy for him. I wanted him to fall in love and be loved and I always wanted the best of the best for him in everything even though sometimes I wanted to be the love of his life.  But you know what, with us going to college and growing apart, having the world’s biggest crush on him was definitely worth having him as my best friend.NEw Girl gif - I'm always the one that loves more

Now if you have ever felt that way about a friend you know that the feelings come and go as they please but I told myself that if these feelings ever developed again for one of my closest friends I would do it differently. I would be bold and vulnerable… not weird because a lot of the time it’s the lack of confronting things that brings on that awkward energy between you and your friend. Confronting your feelings and having tough talks is hard because there are two outcomes to the talk:

#1 – Things go great and you feel better about things right away and your relationship is strengthened because of your honesty.

OORRRRRRRR………..

#2 – Things inevitably cool down in your relationship. It will add an awk element to your friendship and no matter how hard you try to maintain it, you are no longer going to text each other when you see someone or something that reminds you of them and your friendship will dwindle away and you just have to let go and make peace with them and the situation. Borderline When Harry Met Sally minus the ending.

As you can probably tell, I’ve put a lot of thought into this. It’s hard to figure out which sacrifices are worth making. Because I think there’s a lot at stake but then again you should be in a relationship with a guy that is your best friend, right? You should be with some guy who you would want to set your sister up with… or your best friend… because they are that incredible and you should hold yourself to the same standard. So why not? Love doesn’t have to be like the movies… but you should know what you want. I think it’s pretty simple. I want someone that is smart and nice who wants to be with me. I want passion and inside jokes and dreams about a future that sometimes might involve calling off of work to spend the day in bed. I want love. I wish I didn’t because I’m not positive that I’m going to find it and I’m also not sure what I’ll do if I don’t, but ya know what… I’m going to be bold. The ‘why aren’t we together’ talk is going to happen and I am telling you guys and admitting it to myself that I will be happy with either outcome: either we remain friends forevvverrrrr or we take a step in a different direction. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have him in my life so I am on the road to prepare myself for things to fall either way. I’m going to end this incredibly sappy and totally out of character post with a quote from my most recent summer reading books: “You make your own happiness that part of going for what you want means losing something else. And when the stakes are high, the losses can be much greater.”

What to do??

Merry ChristmasHappy New Year – All of that hoopla! Hope you had a fantastic holiday with your family and didn’t end throwing up in the bathroom after three too many glasses of eggnog ((NO that is NOT from personal experience)). I spent a lot of the holiday break reminiscing about the old days and the typical fighting off questions of when I’m going to produce great grandkids. One night we were flipping through some old photos {and I have to take a timeout to say that I was the cutest kid EVER – and no I don’t care how vain that sounds} and came across a few from my more scandy times as a child.IMAG0036 I clearly started out young on the guy front… but this particular picture shows a facial expression that I made again quite recently.IMAG0034So I present this question to you: Have you ever been really really into a guy… until you kissed? There is nothing worse than after a fantastic night of flirting, laughing, a few touches and some lingering looks to get to the night’s finale and be disappointed. I mean what are you supposed to do when you get hit with a guy that has a wayyyyy different idea of what a “good kiss” is. What happens when you like this guy? Do we just take one for the team and stay in the game or move on to the guy in the line up? Let’s be real here, that first kiss (or makeout) is supposed to set the tone for your potential relationship… I’m at a loss here. I have no clue. I don’t know whether you are supposed to start dating some guy that is a TERRIBLE kisser but has every other quality that you look for in a guy or whether you move on. I guess if you look at the circumstances around your bad kiss I can put it into some sort of perspective. Let’s say the kiss happens when you both have had a few too many champagne cocktails or maybe he’s super nervous… maybe he has some performance anxiety and you can work past it? I’ve never thought that kissing might take some practice but I guess it can take as much work as some relationships do. So here’s what I’m going to do – Next time I’m with this guy, I’m going to set some time for a good old-fashioned high school makeout sesh! Maybe I’ll teach him a few things, plus what better way to pass the time? So to any girl that has been bitten, slobbered on, or given the tongue of death, I totes feel your pain… but I’m going in for the hard work and I will give a full report on my findings!

1339690131390_1384368Seeeeeee… I told you I was CUTE 😉

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It’s Ok… I think

“I hate everyone near our age that is married… or happily dating.” – My bestie Becky (THIS week)

One of my favorite Tumblr pages is “#MyFriendsAreMarried (And I’m 25 and Single)” [[Check it out, it’s a laugh fest every week]] and since I am turning 25 in January the site is hitting even closer to home than usual. I’d like to start by saying I have a confession. I have been lying to everyone <and myself> when I say that I’m freaking out about turning 25. Honestly, I’m kind of looking forward to 25. It’s the perfect age.  I can rent a car without those a holes jacking up the price, it’s the age where the youngsters look up to me and the age where I can offer up all kinds of advice on being in your early 20s to those 21 and 22 year olds that constantly ask me questions. I like being respected and looked up to and that’s what 25 is to me. But 25 is also the age where for whatever reason society starts throwing balls of pressure straight at your baby box and it starts to get a little stressful.

This past year I have thrown myself into the deep end of the dating pool and with A LOT of unsuccessful attempts at relationships I have decided to let you guys know why being single isn’t the worst thing ever. Now, I won’t try to pretend that I don’t miss the intimacy of being in a relationship but I am REALLY enjoying the single life. So here we go…

  • I’ve said it before and I will say it again… my life is crazy. I have told my friends that “I don’t even have time for a boyfriend” and I hated saying it. It sounds like a cop out… a big fat one… but as I said it I realized I meant it. Seriously, how do people in relationships work in a boyfriend along with work and extracurriculars?? I barely have time to see my friends between all of my jobs… Can you imagine having to see someone all the time?! No thanks… FREE TIME is a must!
  • Speaking of seeing my friends this is another reason why I’m glad I’m not in a relationship. There’s more time to spend with my GIRLFRIENDS when I’m single. I love my besties more than anything because guys don’t typically take as well to my sassy smart aleck text messages when I need to vent about CERTAIN issues that seem to happen daily.
  • Would you like to know what I am good at? Sports and flirting. Sports can never be taken away from me but FLIRTING gets downgraded when you’re in a relationship. Sure you can flirt with your better half but really… where’s the excitement in that? You’ve already hooked him so the game isn’t quite as exciting. I feel like I’m betraying the art of flirting when I’m in a ‘ship so right now I am letting all of my creativity flow.
  • Random make outs. There… I said it. I’m not telling anyone to do it but my point is that you CAN do it when you aren’t in a relationship. The option is there — do with it as you please.
  • Who doesn’t want to go home, drink a glass of wine and catch up on your latest tv shows after having a long day ((or week)) of work? – me, last night but you can’t do that when you have roommates OR a boyfriend. Because that would be incredibly selfish to remove them from those ideal nights. Because what if he had a crappy day too? Then you have to lend him a sympathetic (I lack this quality) ear for him to share his feelings and tell you about what went wrong with his day and your relaxing evening is thrown out the window. Sorry to be BLUNT but your needs are at a minimum when you are in a relationship. You have to take the other persons emotions into consideration and at this point in my life I am entirely too selfish to do so.
  • Also, your day can’t be ruined by some ridiculous argument that sparked over some LITTLE THING. You can never be cheated on when you are single. Or your day can’t be ruined by a text message… or maybe no message as a response to your text. You have nobody to check in with or explain to why you didn’t text him goodnight when you crawled in from the bars at 3 in the morning (can you tell some of this might be personal experiences… starting to see them as a LITTLE unhealthy relationships). You can take impromptu road trips to see your best friends in Miami {yeah I’m looking at you Courtney} or maybe to go see your favorite Green Bayers {Katy and Erin} . These things have to be thought out when you are in a relationship… the unexplained isn’t an option unless you aren’t in a relationship. There is no obligation to another person. You get to answer to yourself! That’s one of the best parts of being single.

This is it… and I think that these are pretty substantial reasons as to why being single kicks A! I’ll keep on trying these theories… don’t worry, I don’t mind being the test dummy.

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How to handle your breakup… or not

So as I do my daily flip through of my favorite blogs on singledom, celebritiesand the daily hardships for women, I came across an article titled “How to Survive a Breakup.”  Now as a professional single lady (thanks Beyonce) I feel like I have mastered the art of the inevitable breakup. [[Yes – I am a pessimist when it comes to relationships – deal with it]] This particular article hits on the Do’s and Don’ts associated with said breakups and I would like to touch on a few points… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maryjane-fahey/break-up-getting-over-it-flow-chart_b_2011580.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women

Do #1: Seize the Moment and paint your apartment bordello RED. << Umm WHAT?! When has that ever been a good idea. Look if you are in depression mode and decide to paint your bedroom, period red is not the choice. I say pick something perky and happy… say yellow (not out-of-control-need-sunglasses-to-enter yellow… a nice soft pastel yellow) or some other color of equal happiness. No I am not serious. Are you freaking kidding me?! Why are you painting your room because you are going through a breakup? Where is the logic in that?!

Do #2: Nurse a Cocktail on your own. Solo girls get laid 50% more often. << Not sure where this statistic came from but if you are depressed and nursing a drink at a bar, pouring your heart out to bartender who tuned you out the first time you said “I’m better off without him…” you aren’t going to get laid. My favorite thing to do when I’m newly single is surround myself with my fabulous friends and party and rage and finish my night passed out on the couch fully clothed… or not.

Do #3: Travel to All the Places He Wouldn’t Go! Stay for a season. You’re on YOUR schedule now, Doll! << Issue number 1 with this tip – umm when did people start giving up their careers for breakups? I’m sorry but getting out of a relationship is not the end of the world and you still have a job so I’m not sure if going on vaca and staying for a season is conducive to everyone’s life. Issue number 2 – clearly this chick gives up her own independence when she enters a new relationship. Me? Not so much… so if my flavor of the week doesn’t want to go somewhere I want to go, he is easily replaced with one of my girls that I can always count on to go on adventures with.

Do #4: Dress Like a Sexy Slut without hearing from the peanut gallery. << Not really sure what this is going to accomplish other than girls talking shit. Stay classy ladies.

Do #5: Go Horseback Riding! It might just get your cooch goin’! << Orrrr… you could just use a vibe and skip the soreness…

Moving on to the Don’ts of breakups… Most of those were No SH*T tips on how to NOT stalk your ex but A+ for throwing out the obvious tips like:

Don’t #1: Lurk around his old haunts, wearing his old sweater. << Really?! People do this? Pathetic. We aren’t friends if you do.

Don’t #2: Dwell on Shoulda… Woulda’s. Regret is bullshit. << Agreed but totally guilty of this ish. I am that person that replays scenarios in my head and thinks of different outcomes (I could make a fortune coming up with Alternative Endings in movies). It’s over. Move on. [I’m preaching to myself on this one]

Don’t #3: Try to Win Him Back. Desperation is a lousy perfume. And you don’t want that stink. << I never understood the whole wanting to get back together thing… yeah, sure I’ve thought about what I could have done differently in past relationships but that’s what is going to make my next relationship the ish. Why would you want to get back with someone that didn’t work out the first time? There are plenty of fish in the sea so I’ve heard and being single is about fishing and testing the water.

So as you can see everyone has their own opinions on how to get over breakups… mine is pretty simple. It involves a bottle of liquor, music and friends. Get over it how you may but don’t wallow. It’s really unbecoming.

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