I do this all the time… the not writing because I’m in a funk thing… it’s like this blog is my cycle and I get so grumpy for a couple of weeks and then after it passes I’m good again! Welp guys, I’m good again and I have had a crazy few weeks so I have plenty of material to write about the next few posts. I’m going to start with my favorite topic of all time… guys, of course! What kind of person would I be if I didn’t give you the low down on my love life? I’m not that selfish!
I’ve said it before and I will say it again… you cannot help how you feel about a person! Pretty much every girl I know has that one guy that they always go to. Your closest guy friend… the cute, straight friend that is totally platonic ((except for that one timeeee….)) that you text when something is funny, or when you hear that song that reminds you of that one time where you guys did that thing – you know what I’m talking about. But at some point –seriously, don’t even try to deny this – one of you, or maybe both of you, will start to feel something a little different. This is happened to me a few times… when I was in high school, I had more than friend feelings for my closest guy friend for about six years and I never said a thing! I always thought there would be a “right time” to tell him but that never came. Now he’s married with a child on the way and we only speak to each other when we are attending the same social functions. There’s no bitterness, I’m so happy for him. I wanted him to fall in love and be loved and I always wanted the best of the best for him in everything even though sometimes I wanted to be the love of his life. But you know what, with us going to college and growing apart, having the world’s biggest crush on him was definitely worth having him as my best friend.
Now if you have ever felt that way about a friend you know that the feelings come and go as they please but I told myself that if these feelings ever developed again for one of my closest friends I would do it differently. I would be bold and vulnerable… not weird because a lot of the time it’s the lack of confronting things that brings on that awkward energy between you and your friend. Confronting your feelings and having tough talks is hard because there are two outcomes to the talk:
#1 – Things go great and you feel better about things right away and your relationship is strengthened because of your honesty.
#2 – Things inevitably cool down in your relationship. It will add an awk element to your friendship and no matter how hard you try to maintain it, you are no longer going to text each other when you see someone or something that reminds you of them and your friendship will dwindle away and you just have to let go and make peace with them and the situation. Borderline When Harry Met Sally minus the ending.
As you can probably tell, I’ve put a lot of thought into this. It’s hard to figure out which sacrifices are worth making. Because I think there’s a lot at stake but then again you should be in a relationship with a guy that is your best friend, right? You should be with some guy who you would want to set your sister up with… or your best friend… because they are that incredible and you should hold yourself to the same standard. So why not? Love doesn’t have to be like the movies… but you should know what you want. I think it’s pretty simple. I want someone that is smart and nice who wants to be with me. I want passion and inside jokes and dreams about a future that sometimes might involve calling off of work to spend the day in bed. I want love. I wish I didn’t because I’m not positive that I’m going to find it and I’m also not sure what I’ll do if I don’t, but ya know what… I’m going to be bold. The ‘why aren’t we together’ talk is going to happen and I am telling you guys and admitting it to myself that I will be happy with either outcome: either we remain friends forevvverrrrr or we take a step in a different direction. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have him in my life so I am on the road to prepare myself for things to fall either way. I’m going to end this incredibly sappy and totally out of character post with a quote from my most recent summer reading books: “You make your own happiness that part of going for what you want means losing something else. And when the stakes are high, the losses can be much greater.”