The Way We Were…

When I started to tell people about what happened between myself and my FWB, everyone was super quick to be like, “What a douche!” or “He is such a jerk!”imagesouche But let’s be serious… I would never date a douche or a jerk… he’s my best friend and I honestly believe he’s an amazing guy. I always wonder why our first go to when you hear someone got dumped is to talk crap about their ex. I’m even guilty of doing it but after this recent departure, I’ve realized it’s not helpful. Not in the least. It’s already enough that you go from being in a “relationship” ((I use that term loosely in my case)) and having a best friend and then just like that, they’re your ex or somebody in your past. Their role in your life changes overnight and who wants to hear about what a douche he was by friends that are trying to make you feel better? Answer: NOT ME. It’s not the truth so why would I want to hear that nonsense?

Nothing takes away the initial sting of rejection. It has been about a month since my “break-up” and I’m trying to bounce back as well as I can. I had that week’s span ((ehhh maybe two weeks)) where I was selfish watching rom-coms  and feeling sorry for myself… it felt like I was admitting defeat and it hurt… I had the “Heyyyyy… maybe time will make him come to his senses” thoughts too, but now I’m trying to move on with my daily and meet guys that want to be with me. After I sat back and reflected on this relationship and past relationships, I knew that I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was pre-breakup. I complained about him not wanting to spend time with me, I went to sleep pissed because of numerous random things, and I was jealous of my friends and their relationships that had elements that mine didn’t. I mean when it comes down to it with break-ups, anyone who can walk away from you should be with someone else anyway. Why waste time hoping he’ll come to his senses?  I know that I can do better… it’s tough watching tv shows and rom-coms where at the end, they get back together and live happily ever after because that is not how it works. If I’m wrong, puuuhhhllleaasseeee let me know. I mean obv there are random exceptions (Carrie and Big) but I’m pretty positive that I am not the exception. I watched a TON (as I mentioned above) of these movies… I also put some time in with movies where there’s a break-up and then the bestie comes up from nowhere and professes their undying love and they live happily ever after and let’s not forget the one where the girl loves the guy and waits around for 74839472 years for the guy to bone any and everything that walks to finally figure out that he loves her (ONE DAY). Basically what I’m telling you is that I tortured myself for two weeks with this crap. PEOPLEEEEEE there is not ONE THING satisfying about sitting around and waiting for someone. What is the matter with us?? Or Hollywood, for that matter, producing nonsense like that? If you are doing something like this, stop it!! I’m telling you to cut it OUT!!marniebreakup You can’t spend your life waiting or worrying about another person or looking for their permission to be happy and to move on. :::NEWSFLASH::: I just tried that… for over a year and a half and was rewarded with nothing more than a broken heart. IT SUCKS and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy… actually I would, but that’s because she’s a bitch and married my ex-boyfriend but that’s a whole other story… your only responsibility is to yourself and to find someone who makes you happy and feel loved. Even on The Mindy Project season finale yesterday this ish is happening… Mindy tried a relationship with her best friend, it failed, he was trying to get her back and she didn’t know it so while she was having a heart to heart she told Danny that he was right when he said that “guys don’t break up with girls they secretly want to be with.” Helloooo – we all just need to realize this is true… a lot of talking goes down while you are getting dumped but the end all, regardless of what’s being said is that they’re STILL BREAKING UP WITH YOU!! While you might feel like crap the first month after a break-up, I promise it gets better.hangoutallthetime

And if you want to go out with the last word I recommend you throw out this quote from one of my FAVORITES from my cry fest a couple of weeks ago, The Way We Were… Hubbell is in the process of breaking up with Katie when she says, “You’ll never find anyone as good for you as I am, to believe in you as much as I do or love you as much!” I mean they still break-up but it’s a good one… and I felt that way with my last break-up… should have watched this damn movie again before we talked J Oh well, at least you’ll be prepared to get the last word in and leave them wondering what could have been.

Moving on?

I have been on a forced writing hiatus. One that I took to figure my ish out… I wanted to give myself time to find myself, and figure out what to do with my life. Do you know what I realized? I am absolutely full of it if I think I’m going to get it figured out right now. I am now a firm believer that anyone who claims that they have their shit together in their 20’s is completely full of it. Legit. I live a life, a good life, that is full of struggles but I’m trying to just learn to relax. I think that I am exactly where I am supposed to be… that in itself is terrifying, but it is my reality.

The reason why I tried to get it together is because I am 26. I think that is naturally the age where you  can’t help but dissect and analyze just about everything in your life. So let’s take my love life for example. You guys, I’m sure, have loved to read about the chaos and nonsense I go through (or put myself through) with the men in my life and do not worry, I am not about to disappoint. That “guy friend” that I refer to so often on my blog, is no longer an issue. I did ((FINALLY)) have the “why aren’t we together talk” with him where we both confessed our feelings for each other – gag-a-rama, I KNOW – but embarrassingly enough, nothing changed. I mean, I thought we were together… Ish… but then I told him I would wait for him to figure out what exactly he wanted. Why?? Who the HELL knows what the EFF was going through my dumb, moronic mind when I said that, but it was legit almost two months since that conversation and nothing was different except we talked on the phone, texted more often, and occasionally saw each other on week days. It was like I was investing all of this time and emotion into someone who has never really taken me out or let me into his life. We got into this comfortable routine and it became apparent that more wasn’t even an option. Can you blame him? He’s getting both the emotional and physical benefits of being in a relationship without doing any work or really committing to me. What guy do you know is going to be like “Wowwww, this is all way too easy… please challenge me and make me work to get you interested and actually have a REAL relationship.” Psssshhhh… the answer is none. I had a hard time trying to change the tone of this relationship without being needy/clingy and overbearing. It’s super easy for a guy to find another girl who will make it easy for them, I think, so did I really want to push the issue? My mind said no but my heart wanted the commitment. My older brother told me that I was wasting my time… That he will never commit to me and I needed to move on but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I know that my happiness does not depend on one man and that he probably does not matter as much as I think he might, but I wasn’t ready to let go of the hope that one day it would all just click into place and we would know exactly what we had been waiting for. I’m just a hopeless romantic that way… gross. <<Lisa, I am ashamed that I wrote that previous sentence but rules are rules and once it’s down, it stays.>> Unfortunately for me, it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. We had the talk again ((VIA TEXTTTTTT – can you believe that ish?)) and it didn’t exactly go the way I thought it would. He said that while he had feelings for me, he felt like something was missing. That he didn’t want to sacrifice our friendship in the hope that we would work out. It hurts… it does, but I deserve better than what I’ve gotten the past year and a half. I deserve to have a guy that loves me for me and that looks forward to the time they get to spend with me and doesn’t feel like it’s forced. Fortunately for me, I had spring break last week and was able to take some time to wallow and to begin to move on… then to wrap up the weekend, I was in my best friend’s wedding. Where we not only drank our little hearts out, there were a plethora of hot single guys for me to flirt with… oorrrrr drunkenly make out with ((shhhhhh don’t judge))… Lisa told me that the guy I met [[who, btws, has been texting me nonstop since Saturday]] is the ultimate rebound guy. She told me that she was rewarding me with the “Best Rebound of the Year” award and I am flattered 😉

Ok well I’m not even really sure where to take this post after that ridiculous comment so I’m going to stop while I’m behind… it’s embarrassing but the first sign of moving on is acceptance so here we go… you guys have a fantastic week and I will be back with an update soon… two month off es no bueno, but I will not make the promise to do better, I will just make the promise to try 🙂

Oh the mistakes I make…

Our twenties are a time where we are supposed to go out on a limb. Step outside of our element… experience exciting opportunities that we won’t be able to experience when we are married with 2.5 kids living in suburbia USA. I am trying to live these 20s of mine to the fullest as you can probably tell from the posts on my blog. So remember that time ((about two weeks ago)) when I told you about a little thing called Tinder? Well Tinder bit me in the butt. Left teeth marks, the whole shebang! But since I have such a good sense of humor I’m going to share my horror stories with you guys. We can laugh together because I was laughing while it happened, why not give you guys a few chuckles at my expense?! That guy I told you about… the one that had a littleeeeee problem Image errrrr…. Producing?? Yeah, you know the guy. Well things sorta died down so I was back to just juggling one guy again. Boring, right? YES. ((I’m going to try to keep this one guy off of my blog, apparently it’s bad luck to talk about my guys on here so you will just have to keep an open mind and believe that he is straight gorgeyyyy)) So… me being the moron that I am, gets back on Tinder – I took a timeout from the app when I had two solid perspectives in my boat – and I start talking to this new guy. He was cool, funny, had his ish together too… or so it seemed. Well, on Saturday night he asked me if I wanted to have a chill night and come watch a movie. It was a lonnnnnngggg Saturday spent in a gym so a relaxing night with male company sounded fantastic so I was like sure thang, send me the address and I will come over after I shower! He was like great! Come on over. I start driving and I’m like huhhhh… this is the same way I go to Jon’s house ((TINDER prospect #1 that had the little problem))…  I keep driving, listening to Miley’s new cd on replay <#icantstop>Image and then my gps is like you have arrived. Oh I had arrived alright… AT JON’S HOUSE!!!! I was like holy hell there is no way! I believe I told you he owned restaurants and clothing stores, etc. in my previous post and that he had a pretty nice living. Well what I failed to mention was that he recently allowed three of his cousins move into a few of his spare rooms. I met two out of the three cousins on previous visits… the third I never met. Welp, jokes on me because I was about to! Sooo, I drive past his house and pull into a school a mile up the road and immediately call my best friend Lisa. I was dyiinnnngggg laughing when I called her and I was like you are not going to believe what is happening. I told her the sitch and she was like this would only happen to you! Then of course she asked what I was going to do. I went with the honesty route. I called him ((WITH Lisa on the call {{he got the three-way phone call attack, thanks Mean Girls}} because she wouldn’t let me hang up with her – she wanted to hear the hilarity as it went down)) Imageand I go “Ummmm slight problem… are you Jonathan’s cousin?” He paused for TEN SECONDS – I am not kidding you guys… It felt like forevvverrrr – and he goes “Yeah, why?” I then proceeded to  tell him that I dated his cousin… needless to say I drove myself right on home and did not stop in to say hello to the two. Turns out he really didn’t know that Jon and I had seen each other and he had a pretty good sense of humor too! We laughed about it and joked about meeting again in another life (yeahhhh rightttt) and moved on. SO, I get it. Lesson learned! I will stop trying to juggle… I’m at a good place with #GuyA [that’s how I will refer to him from now on so he stays anonymous and I don’t jinx my relationship] so I’m just going to play it out and try not to eff it up, which I tend to do more often than not. I hope this was as amusing to you as it was to the rest of my friends… I’m going to post some screenshots from that night below. Until next time…ImageImagephoto 1

Forgiveness is more than saying sorry

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Warning: THIS MIGHT GET DEEP. I know what you’re thinking… this girl hasn’t written a post in almost two months and she’s blowing us up with three in one week?! Yeah, well deal with it, I’ve got a lot of ish going on in my life and writing is my scapegoat.

I’m a firm believer that there should be some sort of emotional cut-off limit to what a person can feel. Like you know that part of your brain that lets you know when something freakin hurts physically? Yeah, we should totally have one of those emotionally where we just stop getting our feelings hurt. Sometimes we hurt people that we care about. Sometimes we allow others that we care about to hurt us. This is life and we are human. I have made a ton of mistakes and I have a ton of flaws but we can’t always hide our flaws and we can’t always make our mistakes better.  It’s just the reality of it all and it sucks but the one thing we can change is our attitude towards it. We can forgive and maybe not forget but we can learn and grow.download

I wanted to preface this post by saying all of that before I get into the nitty gritty. When I first met my friend, I knew this was someone I always want to have in my life. I didn’t know if it was going to be in the shape of a friend or a boyfriend but what I did know was that my life was better with him in it. You guys know that I’m not great at dating. OBVIOUSLY. I do it a lot but nothing seems to come out of it. Most recently, I have figured out that I’m also bad at keeping things casual and keeping my emotions in check. And I can’t help that. I have hormones – sue me. That being said, my friend hurt me. While we have yet to define anything in our relationship ((and no I have no need – or want – to have that conversation)), is it wrong for me to expect respect? We have been ummm… getting together… for a year now and I get a message from him asking if I would be interested in his friend?! Like what?What gif Is this even real? Ohh… yep, it is because here is the text:AGAIN

Here is the dilemma – #1 I know I’m not his girlfriend. He’s not my boyfriend, we aren’t dating blah blah blah I know these things BUT in the same respect, I value him and what we have and I have so much respect for him as a friend that I expect more. I expect him to know not to ask me that. Issue #2 is that after I called him out on the bullshit, he was like I understand you’re irritated but my friends wanted me to ask you and I thought you would know it was ridiculous and wouldn’t take it seriously.uhh no Say WHAT? Here’s what I take from that: he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me or my feelings. Am I overreacting? Probably so, I’m hormonal and I know it but that’s just how it is. But really guys am I that off base? As far as I know, we’ve been close friends for three years now – yet his coworkers ask him to send me a text like that and he doesn’t stop to think “Heyyyy… this will probably hurt Katie’s feelings… maybe I shouldn’t ask her that.” But no. He didn’t even stop to think about me and that’s a problem. We kindaaaa just blew over the fall out and moved on but as you can see, I’m still harboring some mixed emotions about the whole sitch. I suck at communicating my feelings ((in person – I can write for days)) but I think I’m going to grow a pair and talk these things out with him this weekend. If I do, you guys will be the first… well not really my friends come first… but you will for sure be a close 5th to know! Thanks for listening you guys… and I know if the talk doesn’t go as planned, there is always vodka to fall back on!

I know… But I’m back

It’s been a while. I’ve been lazy guys. Really effin lazy. I started a new job and things got a little chaotic for a second but now that I’ve gotten the hang of everything I think I can get back to the important things… aka this ab fab blog. We are just going to call the past two months a creative hiatus. A time away from writing where I could figure my ish out.download

For my first blog back from my creative time out I think I should let you have a glimpse back into my love life. It’s usually a big hit…. Primarily because my love life is such a freakin disaster that everyone is amused by my mistakes. Well ladies and gents… I will not disappoint! I am full of stories and blunders, I promise.

Have you heard of a little thing called Tinder? imagesWell when my friend first showed me the app on the way to an engagement party… irony at its finest, I know. Here’s how it works: swipe right if you think the guy is hot, swipe left if you don’t. It’s as simple as that. It’s a superficial little game that I am completely obsessed with. If I swipe right for a guy and he swipes right as well then we get to have a little chatski. Now not all the guys you come across on this handy little app are dateable. But that’s why it allows you to chat- you can assess the sitch and exchange numbers or block them from talking to you ever again. So after spending six hours a day on the addictive little app, I’ve had a ton of dates. photoA few really solid ones! Let me tell you about a few of them:

My first ever Tinder guy took me to a Falcons game. It was hands down, the best first date I have ever been on. He was the perfect gentleman, GORGEOUS, athletic… yeah total package… we even went out with the Falcons players after the game. Why am I not still talking to him? Well, I am… but he lives in Texas sooooo there’s that. Not a whole lot coming from it. BUT embarrassing Katie moment?? Anyone?? Here it is – when he told me his name ((before our date)) I googled him, because what else is someone with internet access supposed to do with that information?! Well I came across some pictures and one was a pic of him and his adorable niece. Welp, in one of our amazing convos we were talking about our nieces and nephews and he pulls out THE pic of him and his niece and I was like “Awwww yeah, I saw that on your Tinder profile, she’s so cute!” I thought I was being sooo sweet until he said, “This picture isn’t on my profile.” Ummm… whoopsiesss CAUGHT! I played it off pretty well and we moved on but here is just a little word of advice: the whole internet stalking thing? Yeah… we all do it, just don’t get caught!

Next I went on a few random meetups over drinks that didn’t go anywhere but to guys in my phone that I occasionally text or snapchat with.IMG_1140[1]

But now, the success story… well success-ish. I met this guy a little over a month ago on Tinder. He is good looking, successful, funny and just an all-around good guy. He’s a sweet guy and I really enjoy being around him. He’s 33 and he has his shit together. Which is a far cry from the typical frat-tastic guys I usually attract. Everything was going fine and dandy up until last week… we decided to try (((KEY WORD GUYS))) to take our relationship to the next level… you know what level I’m referring to, no need to spell it out. Let me get right into the story. I was having a rough day on Thursday… it was long, progress report grades were due in, I had meetings all morning, and to end it all we had two volleyball matches – both of which we lost. It was just a rough night. Well he offered to go get me dinner from one of his restaurants (yes, he owns restaurants… right up my alley since I am a closeted fat girl) and bring it back to his house so I could unwind. He even offered up a massage [one that I definitely cashed in and was surprisingly satisfied by how amazing it was – he went all out! Lotion and everything… and yes it was JUST a massage, you dirty FUHHHREAKSSS] to make me feel better. I got to his sick house and ate a delicious dinner from his restaurant and settled in to watch The New Atlanta. ((THIS is a whole other story – please don’t watch that show… it’s embarrassing that our city is being portrayed by these nobodies… EXCEPT our friend Tribble – who isn’t doing himself any favors by being on it)) We laughed and watched the show, cuddled… one thing led to another and next thing I know we are up in his room. Everything was fine and dandy until we hit a minor snag… he had a little bitty problem seeing as he’s on anxiety meds :/ I tried to make light of the sitch and laugh it off and say it was ok but I know he was so embarrassed… well ever since that night things have cooled off between us. We still text every day but I haven’t seen him in 8 days (not that I’m keeping track… I’m such an embarrassment)… hopefully I can reassure him that all is ok… That it’s no big deal and I’m still interested because he is a freakin goodddddd prospect. I will keep you updated because I know that’s what you want 🙂 I’ve missed you all and I’m going to leave you with some pics from the past two months to let you know that nothing has changed since I’ve become a teacher… I’m still fun y’all, I promise!IMG_0505 IMG_0537 IMG_0660 IMG_0765 IMG_0811 IMG_1053