Some Girl(s)

My Redbox selection for this rainy Sunday was too appropriate for my mood. I rented the movie Some Girl(s) to watch on my couch, while munching on pizza, and sipping lemonade – I live the most exciting life of anyone you know – and as most movies do after I’ve had a long lonnnnggg weekend, it made me think a little deeper into the meaning behind the film. Let me give you a little background on this movie: it’s a screenplay turned indie film about a guy that is jet-setting across the US to meet up with his five ex-girlfriends that most impacted his life. He’s doing this to clear the air and make amends before he gets married. <<<I’m going to stop right there and say that if my fiancé says he wants to do this before our wedding, I’m going to say hell-to-the-NO! This guy is like making out with his exes and junk, ummm no. Not gonna fly, sir.>>> SOOO – the women in this movie are incredibly strong and defiant and pretty justified in their stances with this guy. The playwright is basically using this movie to hold men responsible for being assholes to women… for hurting women and not really having a great reason as to why… except that they just do. Also, all of the girls have guy names and the man doesn’t even have a name… he’s just “man.” I think LaBute does this on purpose. The man isn’t meant to be specific; I think he is supposed to represent all of us. Men hurt women, but women hurt men, we all hurt each other and this film is used to show the repercussions of our actions.

My favorite part of the film, is the scene with Kristin Bell and Adam Brody… Bell is the one ex that is supposed to be his soul mate… the girl that he actually loved (and may still love) and ran away from — this is the common thread in this movie, man runs away from confrontation and feelings — really lays into him when he tries to make excuses. I really admire that she is able to do this because I am incapable of expressing myself in this way. Here is the dialogue (I tried to upload a clip but it wouldn’t work so you get the script instead, sorry):

Man: Jesus Christ, can we just be civilized about this? Even if we just end up as… you know…

Bobbi: Friends? You were not about to say that were you? Huh? I don’t need any friends. Or let me be more specific… I do not need you.

Man: Well that is not very nice.

Bobbi: Well I wasn’t trying to be nice… not at all. I’m serious. I mean, why would I want to be pals with you? Buddies? Huh? Especially now? I barely wanted to see you. God, you were always this grandiose guy but I had no idea, until this moment that it might be pathological. So, no, I think friends is off the list.

Man: Look, I always meant well…

Bobbi: F you (sorry gotta edit to keep this blog PG-13)! That’s pathetic. Oppenheimer meant well. Pol Pot meant well. It’s not about the meaning, it’s about the doing. Guys always mean well right before they screw somebody over.

Man: Come on…

Bobbi: What?

Man: That’s not…

Bobbi: Not what? Not what? You think it’s alright just because it’s one person rather than a dozen or a million? When is hurting ok? Only when you say so? Or is it just open season, all of us, going at it whenever we see fit.

Man: I am not saying it’s ok to hurt but you cannot equate some war with me not calling you.

Bobbi: Why not? Who says I can’t? In fact, I already did, just now. And I’m going to stand by it, I am. Because when you do what you do, which it sounds like you’ve done, a lot, people get hurt… injured… a bit of them, some piece, it dies. They lose something that will never come back, not ever. And this part that you decide you can just take from them and damage, piss on…

Man: I didn’t take anything.

Bobbi: You DID! From me, you did. Maybe not what you thought, but you did do that. And you didn’t care. You didn’t even look back. And that… it makes you more than just an ex-boyfriend. You’re like a killer… or an assassin… some emotional terrorist who… No, no you know the truth of it is, all the stuff you do… it makes you a not very nice person. And that’s as bad as it gets, as far as I’m concerned.

kristenbell Most guys just don’t get it. They don’t. Their actions hit home a lot more often than not and they take them with a grain of salt. People aren’t just toys… you can’t just play with them and toy with their emotions and then place them back in the toy box when you are done. This movie just dramatized our passion for ignorance. This entire movie, the man is being read the riot act by each one of his exes. He acknowledges what they say but he really doesn’t hear any of them. Nothing changes. The movie ends with “man” checking out the stewardess on his flight back home. Is it like this with most guys? I really hope not…. But did the women get the closure they needed… did he? Does closure even exist? I don’t think it does. I think letting go is a much more relatable statement than closure. I don’t believe that things ever end. If you truly love someone, that love is a forever thing. You don’t just turn that emotion off. I think you have to let go… you may need to see someone and tell them that they hurt you, tell them off, or even tell them that you love them but being with them isn’t the right thing for you or whatever you might need to say to a person to help you let go. You don’t actually need them for the process, you just need them to play a role in the closure or letting go, but you are the only person that can actually move on. I might be a little far-fetched in this post but I thought this was a pretty interesting film. I love that about indie films. They have a deeper meaning than the blockbusters… a little more substance. They hit home at just the right time. Watch it… I mean what movie could go wrong when Adam Brody is the star?441972164_640

For Reagan

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

I believe that truer words have never been said. Life changes fast. It changes in an instant and who wants to leave this world with any regrets?

Suicide. One word that leaves a sour taste in your mouth and so many unanswered questions in your mind. The process of grieving when it comes to suicide is so different than that of other deaths you are faced with. It takes an immense amount of time to process any death and to come to terms with losing someone and after living through a suicide this weekend, I don’t believe that ITS grief is one that anyone can understand until you have felt it. When someone in your life dies through suicide it becomes something that you will never truly be able to accept. There are questions that will never be resolved, wounds that will never heal, regrets and guilt that will be carried around for the rest of our lives.

A student of mine committed suicide yesterday and it has brought to the forefront a big fear in my life. When did I become so oblivious that I don’t recognize personality changes in my own classroom and wasn’t able to do anything about it? I became a teacher to be a role model for these students. To be a realist, to assess their problems, and to help them in everything they need. These students are just kids. Why haven’t I told them that life gets better? That the things that occur in the halls of a high school aren’t forever things… That who you are in high school is irrelevant to anyone and everyone else once you get the heck out of there. That suicide is never EVER the answer. That they will graduate, get a job, move out on their own, and figure out who they are and that they will love themselves in a totally different way, that’s more rewarding than anything they know right now. That everything will be different and manageable… Better than it is right now.

As an educator, we are asked to censor ourselves. We skirt issues that are relevant to these kids. Whether it’s regarding drugs and alcohol, or in our health classes where we teach the importance of abstinence to 9th graders that for the most part, are already sexually active, or censoring any other reality of life that they are already aware of and are using against each other anyways. It’s not good and I am not being effective in my job or in my position as a role model by doing so.

My students, my friends, my co-workers, and I have all experienced a shocking loss that nothing in life ever prepares you for. There’s no rule book to tell you how to let go and move forward. You just keep hoping for the days when you were at the high school football games cheering and everyone was happy, and life was easy and not so tumultuous. I dread going to work in the morning to face all of the tormented students left behind, but I hope to start now in being a better person for each one of my friends and my students.

May God grant peace to the Beene family and to all of those who are suffering.

“The cross leads to joy and not just happiness. There is a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is something we know as enhancement or protection of our own lives. Joy comes in connection with another or with Jesus. Joy happens when we get to the core of life and realize that love is at the center. Jesus is God with us and will never leave or forsake us. Joy is not the absence of suffering; it is the presence of God.” – Robert Schuller

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