Insecurities… Friends… Typical week

So I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago and am just getting around to posting it. So I’m sorry that I’ve been lazy and that this is a little dated but I wrote it so I’m not going to waste it… duhhh – we just went over how lazy I am!

Here comes another post that is all over the place. Really though, you should be used to it by now… thoughts in my head just jumble together and I roll with it. So let’s do this.

Insecurities. We all have them. From body issues, friends and family, all the way to relationships – they exist. If you say you don’t have any insecurity, I trust you about as far as I can throw you, which more than likely isn’t far, fat ass. But the problem with my insecurities is that I tend to over compensate… I try to smother my insecurities by being more than I am. I try to become the life of the party… the most confident person in the room. Usually it’s a charade but it helps me to get past the initial insecurity of entering a room… that or a little liquid courage usually does the trick and we all know which of the two I prefer. I was thinking about this when I got home yesterday from my typical Saturday night of debauchery. I sat on my couch and wondered if anyone could see through the fakeness and recognize me, a girl with insecurities that is trying a little too hard to mask them. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a great time when I’m out. I love acting out and once I do have a few drinks, I’m so comfortable that I don’t care what I say or do. If I want to hook up with a guy that I’m attracted to, then I’m going to do it. ((Which come to find out this weekend, my definition of the words “hook up” are a hell of a lot different than other peoples… who knew that people assumed you meant you boned when you say hook up?? I sure didn’t! Whoopsiess))New Girl gif - When did everyone get cool at sex I’m a firm believer that women should be able to enjoy their connections with men anytime… that means regardless of whether they are out on a formal date. My personal feelings are that if you want to hook up, hook up! And afterwards be NORMAL. Crack a joke… because a casual, fun hook up is just that – fun and casual, not anything more. Girls gif - I'm attracted to everyoneBut come to find out, this view of mine is an issue for some people I hang out with, but you know what??? It’s my life and they are my decisions and I’m not going to let anyone tell me to do it differently. Don’t get me wrong though… you should listen to your friends… their opinions matter, but then so do yours… I mean it’s your life to live and your mistakes to make.

So on Sunday, I was rehashing the previous night with a friend when she said that she thought I “have a problem” when it comes to the way I am with guys. I didn’t know how to take the comment so instead of being the sassy person I usually would be, I just responded that I didn’t care. If people want to perceive me in a certain light, let them. 2 Broke Girls gif - Who cares I'm awesomeIf they don’t agree with what I do or don’t do it doesn’t bother me. But it did bother me that my friend said this and got so bent out of shape when I said that I didn’t care. Which brings me to about an hour ago, when I started to think about this post and what direction I was going to take it in… I have decided to throw it back to a comment I made earlier this year when I said that the hardest relationships to maintain are your friendships. Aren’t they though?? They are a little stressful, especially when you have friends that are so different than you are. But if you ask me ((and you all are since you’re reading my blog in the first place)), I think it’s ok to disagree with your friends. I think that your girl friends will always break your heart more than boyfriends will and I think that a lot of the time they don’t even know they are doing it. In the same light though, disagreeing and hearing opinions of others only builds respect for one another, right? Gif - You're entitled to your WRONG opinion

Look, I’m probably the worst person to take advice from because I think I see things completely different than most – but if you’re unhappy with something in your life – whether it’s with a friend, lack of a relationship, lack of money, whatever it is – and you are losing sight of who you are… just relax, take a step back and reevaluate. That’s what I spent the afternoon doing. I’ve said it before – hell, I think I wrote it last weekwe only get one chance… one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, will you capture it, or just let it slip [sorry, couldn’t resist an Eminem plug… he’s a weakness]… but moving on… you deserve to be happy and to be surrounded by people that encourage and support you and your decisions {Good and Bad}. If you aren’t feeling the love or support from your peeps, maybe it’s time to cool it… hang out with someone different for a while. I dunno, that seems a bit drastic, even to me but I’m thinking that might be something I need to do so I can maintain that relationship, because it is important to me.

That’s all I have to say for today…I’m gonna sign off of this post with a throwback jam that’s playing right now as I’m typing away – some Michael Tolcher ladies and gents, thank me later.

Summer of Yes

It’s the SUMMER OF YES! I decided this a couple of weeks ago while I was sitting on the beach reading Girls in White Dresses.  I was soaking up the sun and as I read the opening paragraph of a chapter where the girls adopted a summer of yes, I thought “Hey, what the hell, I’ll give this a go too!”  Happy Endings gif - I really really want to do it

It’s the summer to take chances… do things I wouldn’t normally do. Think about it… I mean, how many times do you turn things down that are a little out of your comfort zone? I do… I would honestly say I turn things down more often than I say “yes” to them. Do I want to live my life ((or summer)) missing out on opportunities because they scare me a little bit? No, life is too short for that. We only get one chance at life… just one chance to experience anything and everything you want. So, say YES! Join me in this fun/slightly crazy mission to do things we wouldn’t normally do… go to places we wouldn’t normally go and meet new people that we would normally never meet. Who cares if it scares you?? Think about the doors it could potentially open. We all deserve nothing but happiness and to be surrounded by people who bring out the best in you.

Ask your closest friends to join in on this it might expand your friend group. I was actually having a convo with one of my friends recently about how hard it is to make real friends as you get older. We were talking about who really has the time [or wants to put in the time] to get to know someone new. Think about it… how many of you are in touch with a lot of your friends from high school or college. I’m not talking about those “friends” that you send Christmas cards to or a quick happy birthday note on their Facebook wall… I’m talking about real meaningful relationships. I would say I’m consistently in touch with probably about two people from high school and my two closest friends from college. Other than that the only friends I have are people I have met recently. So maybe expanding your friend group during the summer of yes isn’t a bad idea. I have a slight fear that if I don’t keep up these relationships with my current friends, I’m going to end up friendless… which is terrifying!!! It’s hard to connect with someone – or maybe it just is for me – and to be able to trust them immediately, right?

I dunno but what I do know is that my summer of yes has already started and I’ve stepped out of the box in more ways than one, for instance: my friend Morgan called me as I was getting ready for a date and asked me to join her at the Bachelor casting call – – would I ever do this in real life? Hell-to-the-NO! But she threw in that it was the summer of yes and I succumbed to the peer pressure and went and had a really good time… hmmm…. And then there was this guy that asked me on a date. Normal Katie would have said absolutely not in any other situation but since it’s the S.O.Y. I said yes and he’s turned out to be a really fun guy to talk to. Not saying I see a future with him ((he’s a little too short for my liking)) but he is turning out to be someone I enjoy hanging around. I’m two for two so far… give it a try and let me know what kind of risks you take in the comments section! Good Luck!!Girls gif - Voice of my generation

FWBs

I do this all the time… the not writing because I’m in a funk thing… it’s like this blog is my cycle and I get so grumpy for a couple of weeks and then after it passes I’m good again! Welp guys, I’m good again and I have had a crazy few weeks so I have plenty of material to write about the next few posts. I’m going to start with my favorite topic of all time… guys, of course! What kind of person would I be if I didn’t give you the low down on my love life? I’m not that selfish!

I’ve said it before and I will say it again… you cannot help how you feel about a person! Pretty much every girl I know has that one guy that they always go to. Your closest guy friend… the cute, straight friend that is totally platonic ((except for that one timeeee….)) that you text when something is funny, or when you hear that song that reminds you of that one time where you guys did that thing – you know what I’m talking about. But at some point –seriously, don’t even try to deny this – one of you, or maybe both of you, will start to feel something a little different. This is happened to me a few times… when I was in high school, I had more than friend feelings for my closest guy friend for about six years and I never said a thing! I always thought there would be a “right time” to tell him but that never came. Now he’s married with a child on the way and we only speak to each other when we are attending the same social functions. There’s no bitterness, I’m so happy for him. I wanted him to fall in love and be loved and I always wanted the best of the best for him in everything even though sometimes I wanted to be the love of his life.  But you know what, with us going to college and growing apart, having the world’s biggest crush on him was definitely worth having him as my best friend.NEw Girl gif - I'm always the one that loves more

Now if you have ever felt that way about a friend you know that the feelings come and go as they please but I told myself that if these feelings ever developed again for one of my closest friends I would do it differently. I would be bold and vulnerable… not weird because a lot of the time it’s the lack of confronting things that brings on that awkward energy between you and your friend. Confronting your feelings and having tough talks is hard because there are two outcomes to the talk:

#1 – Things go great and you feel better about things right away and your relationship is strengthened because of your honesty.

OORRRRRRRR………..

#2 – Things inevitably cool down in your relationship. It will add an awk element to your friendship and no matter how hard you try to maintain it, you are no longer going to text each other when you see someone or something that reminds you of them and your friendship will dwindle away and you just have to let go and make peace with them and the situation. Borderline When Harry Met Sally minus the ending.

As you can probably tell, I’ve put a lot of thought into this. It’s hard to figure out which sacrifices are worth making. Because I think there’s a lot at stake but then again you should be in a relationship with a guy that is your best friend, right? You should be with some guy who you would want to set your sister up with… or your best friend… because they are that incredible and you should hold yourself to the same standard. So why not? Love doesn’t have to be like the movies… but you should know what you want. I think it’s pretty simple. I want someone that is smart and nice who wants to be with me. I want passion and inside jokes and dreams about a future that sometimes might involve calling off of work to spend the day in bed. I want love. I wish I didn’t because I’m not positive that I’m going to find it and I’m also not sure what I’ll do if I don’t, but ya know what… I’m going to be bold. The ‘why aren’t we together’ talk is going to happen and I am telling you guys and admitting it to myself that I will be happy with either outcome: either we remain friends forevvverrrrr or we take a step in a different direction. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have him in my life so I am on the road to prepare myself for things to fall either way. I’m going to end this incredibly sappy and totally out of character post with a quote from my most recent summer reading books: “You make your own happiness that part of going for what you want means losing something else. And when the stakes are high, the losses can be much greater.”