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What ifs…

Let’s talk death. It’s that inevitable part of life that no one likes to talk about until it’s upon us. I have been surrounded by it in the past week it feels like. My best friend’s grandmother passed last weekend and while I was on my way to pay my respects to their family at the funeral, I received a phone call from my own grandmother, telling me that my Great Uncle Don had died earlier that morning.

I’m not an emotional person. Ask anyone… my friends and my family would all tell you the same thing but death always hits me like a ton of bricks. It makes you put things into perspective. Death makes you think about the last moments you spent with that particular person or the last things you said to the people you care about the most.

The news of my uncle’s death threw me in a tailspin – calling my entire family in hysterics and when I couldn’t reach my mom, it really put me over the edge. I’m not sure why I react so irrational when death happens ((and my behavior even got me a lecture from my dad telling me how I need to pull myself together – the guy even had the gall to tell me that there better be “no tears when it’s my time.” UMMM yeah freakin right. I will be an effin disaster, but that’s beside the point and I don’t even want to think about that right now)) but I do. Even though I know it was for the best and that he’s at peace now it’s still hard to think about. Don had a lot of health issues, him going into cardiac arrest finally putting an end to his struggles probably is better for him. His daughter said that when he passed he looked more at peace than he has in years. That one little statement put things in perspective for me. It’s all for the best. God has a plan and this was just one step in the journey.

But it makes me wonder, what will your last thoughts be when it’s your time? I like to think that at the end of your life, you will reflect on the happiest times of your life. I’ll think of my little brother as he was when he was young, innocent and curious… I’ll remember the first kiss that I really truly felt. Not my first actual kiss – the one full of bumped noses and cautiousness – but the first one that I felt all the way to my toes… I’ll remember what it felt like to be in love and to have someone love me back. I’ll think of how blessed I am with a family that is so close that I know I can share any and everything with them. And lastly I will remember my friends… those girls that have been with me through it all – through the heartache, the laughs, the tears and most of all the times that I just needed a friend. You know who you are and you will always be the best part of me.

To end this incredibly somber post I’m just going to say this: life is too short to stay mad. Apologize and never hold a grudge, you never know when the last words you say to someone will indeed be the last. Say thank you and tell someone you love them.

I’m very thankful for each and every person that reads and enjoys my blog. So I’m telling you all now, thank you. You are just another thing that makes my life so amazing 🙂

images (1)Rest In Peace Uncle Don. You are always in our thoughts.

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