Lesson One: Lose The Goatee

While doing my daily perusing of the world wide web this morning, I came across an interesting article in the Washington Post. The name of the article is “Heavily stubbled faces are more attractive to women than other shaving styles.” I immediately clicked on it because my guy friends decided that last weekend they were going to do a goatee challenge… yes, you read that right. They were growing goatees. On purpose. Ok, let’s just be real for a second, goatees are the WORST!!HIMYM gif - Lose the goatee I am so sorry everyone but that is something I just can’t get behind. I mean Bennett looked Hispanic with his devil stache and guys, if I was interested in getting a Pedro fix, I would turn on Napoleon Dynamite.napoleon So after seeing how ridiculous my friends looked ((of course I told them they looked great… wah wah wahhhhhh)) I really wanted to see what WashPo had to say about facial hair. According to the researchers, “Stubble conveys maturity and manliness with less of the macho aggressiveness implied by a full beard.” Ehhh… I say heavy stubble conveys homelessness and laziness but then again that’s just my opinion. How would guys feel if we decided to forego our waxes and shaves for a month?? Yeah… I didn’t think so! So shave that porn stache immediately! But let me stop myself and clarify that I find nothing wrong with a little scruff… it’s when it gets long enough that it can get dirty and gross that I have to draw the line, and absolutely NO NO NOOOOO to goatees. Stop it. Just stop it… you look like Satan himself.

What do you guys think? Do you have a preference? Do you like the heavy stubble like the article says or are you more like me where nothing more than a 5 o clock shadow can get those juices flowing?? Here’s some of the hottest in HTown with facial hair… I’ve seen them look better!

Channing… sweetheart… COME ONNNNNN!!!CT goatee

What the hell is growing out of your chin Brad? Gross.Actor Brad Pitt poses for photographers during a news conference to promote the movie "Inglourious Basterds" in Tokyo

If he wasn’t famous, you know you would be crossing the street once you saw Depp and his pedy van rolling your way.Celebrities Visit "Late Show With David Letterman" - October 26, 2011

Blehh… come on Zac!ZE hair

You all know I’m no Ryan Gosling fan – this is what you love America? #GAG #countmeoutRG facial hair

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Trivia Night

I’m not sure if any of you fools have ever done team trivia but my friends and I love it. Just a good excuse to test your knowledge on useless information and be rewarded with pitchers of beer – why wouldn’t you do it? Becky, Bennett, Drew, Matt and I all braved Loco’s last night for a chance to take home that $5 off coupon and free pitcher of beer once more ((and failed…. miserably… I’m saying tied for fifth place miserably)). But we had a good time and I thought I would let you in on our night with some quotes from my fantastic friends (and yes, I am aware that you won’t think a lot of them are funny but that’s just because you weren’t there. We are effin HILARIOUS). So here we go…. some trivia night quotes:

Question Master: Name the actress that brought in the most ticket sales in the box office in the following dates from their initials.

1999 J.R.

2009 S.B.

1938 S.T.

1962 D.D.

Bennett: Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock…

Someone Else: Shirley Temple

Me: Let’s just throw out names that start with D.D. and see if we can figure it out.

<<MISCELLANEOUS NAMES THROWN OUT>>

Drew: Diane Douglas… who is she?

Question Master: Which of the 13 colonies is not bordered by the Atlantic Ocean?

Becky: Oohh… Philadelphia?

Me: Umm that’s not a state.

Matt: I think it’s Pennsylvania.

Becky: You stole my answer!!

Matt: No, you named a city.

Question Master: The next category is ZODIAC

Drew (to me): Exactly how confident are you with Zodiac?

Me: Well I thought it was on the Zodiac killer not the signs so now I’m not as confident.

Drew: Ummm…

Question Master: What was Chandler’s last name from the tv show Friends?

Me: Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing….

The guys: What was it??

Becky: I think she’s telling you the answer…

Matt: Oh I thought you were just making sound effects.

Me: It’s Bing!

Becky: Our lives could be a tv show!

Bennett: That would be a boring tv show… Me at my computer from 9 to 7… but I think we would be like How I Met Your Mother! You would be Marshall (pointing to Matt)

Me: Who would be Barney??

Becky: Drew’s Ted!

Drew: Yeahhhhaaaahaaa…

Me: And Bennett’s Barney!

All of us: I said a bang bang bangity bang… I said a bang bang bangity bang

Me: Actually I think we are more like Happy Endings.

Matt: What kind of Happy Ending?? (with full on eye brow wiggle… these guys have no shame)

Becky: But then one of them has to be gay…

Me: (pointing at Matt)

Bennett: So guys… what do you want to be when you grow up?

Matt: Rich… and I want to own my own island.

Becky: And I want to be your wife.

Becky: What are you doing on Friday?

Bennett: Playing call of duty with my little brother

Me: Awwwwwwwww… ((nudging Becky)) this is when you say “Awww”

Bennett: Yeah he’s deaf so we only bond over the sight of call of duty.

Becky: What are you doing?

Drew: Fishing on Lake Ontario.

Becky: Ok so you can hang out Friday?

Me: You do know that’s not in Georgia, right?

Becky: Wait, what?

Drew: Lake Ontario… one of the nation’s great lakes… I’m flying to New York…

Becky: Ohhhh!! Well what are you doing?

Matt: Nothing.

Becky: Do you want to hang out? (LET ME MENTION THAT SHE WAS EXTREMELY EXCITED IN THE WAY SHE SAID THIS)

Matt and all the other guys: WOAHHHHHH

Bennett: Have you guys ever seen a spatula thumb? Ew… they are so gross.

Me: What the hell is a spatula thumb?

Bennett: Ya’ll don’t know what a spatula thumb is? Here I’ll draw it

<<he draws a picture of a “spatula” thumb>>

Drew: I don’t think a spatula thumb is a thing.

Bennett: Yes it is!  I bet someone in this room knows what I’m talking about.

Me: Go around and poll every table then!

Bennett: I’m googling it!! You know that Megan Fox has one?

Drew: I know she has a nice rack!

Matt: No, I’ve never made it north of her waist.

Me: You mean south?

Matt: No north.

Bennett: Damnit… It’s called a toe thumb not a spatula thumb. Look here’s a picture.

meganfoxthumb

Drew: Ewwwww…

Bennett: Yeah I once was talking to this girl and she pulled out her phone to send a text and I saw her thumb and was like ohh noo and walked away.

Me: No you didn’t!

Bennett: Truth. I can’t date a girl with a thumb like that.

Matt: Ohhh K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Me: First comes love second comes a b…

Bennett: WHAT?

Becky: Were you about to say baby? Second comes baby?!

Matt: No second comes marriage!! We know where your priorities lie

Drew: Let’s make some babies!!

MY AB FAB FRIENDS

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What ifs…

Let’s talk death. It’s that inevitable part of life that no one likes to talk about until it’s upon us. I have been surrounded by it in the past week it feels like. My best friend’s grandmother passed last weekend and while I was on my way to pay my respects to their family at the funeral, I received a phone call from my own grandmother, telling me that my Great Uncle Don had died earlier that morning.

I’m not an emotional person. Ask anyone… my friends and my family would all tell you the same thing but death always hits me like a ton of bricks. It makes you put things into perspective. Death makes you think about the last moments you spent with that particular person or the last things you said to the people you care about the most.

The news of my uncle’s death threw me in a tailspin – calling my entire family in hysterics and when I couldn’t reach my mom, it really put me over the edge. I’m not sure why I react so irrational when death happens ((and my behavior even got me a lecture from my dad telling me how I need to pull myself together – the guy even had the gall to tell me that there better be “no tears when it’s my time.” UMMM yeah freakin right. I will be an effin disaster, but that’s beside the point and I don’t even want to think about that right now)) but I do. Even though I know it was for the best and that he’s at peace now it’s still hard to think about. Don had a lot of health issues, him going into cardiac arrest finally putting an end to his struggles probably is better for him. His daughter said that when he passed he looked more at peace than he has in years. That one little statement put things in perspective for me. It’s all for the best. God has a plan and this was just one step in the journey.

But it makes me wonder, what will your last thoughts be when it’s your time? I like to think that at the end of your life, you will reflect on the happiest times of your life. I’ll think of my little brother as he was when he was young, innocent and curious… I’ll remember the first kiss that I really truly felt. Not my first actual kiss – the one full of bumped noses and cautiousness – but the first one that I felt all the way to my toes… I’ll remember what it felt like to be in love and to have someone love me back. I’ll think of how blessed I am with a family that is so close that I know I can share any and everything with them. And lastly I will remember my friends… those girls that have been with me through it all – through the heartache, the laughs, the tears and most of all the times that I just needed a friend. You know who you are and you will always be the best part of me.

To end this incredibly somber post I’m just going to say this: life is too short to stay mad. Apologize and never hold a grudge, you never know when the last words you say to someone will indeed be the last. Say thank you and tell someone you love them.

I’m very thankful for each and every person that reads and enjoys my blog. So I’m telling you all now, thank you. You are just another thing that makes my life so amazing 🙂

images (1)Rest In Peace Uncle Don. You are always in our thoughts.

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Reflections, Bad Decisions… you know… the USUAL

“I don’t understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.” – Charlie Sheen

**I am going to apologize in advance [or warn you really] that this post is all over the place and my raging hormones are to blame – continue reading if you must but this one is a doozy, believe me**

One of my closest girl friends told me not too long ago that “all the guys flock to you.” I laughed and was like obviously, I mean look at all of my boyfriends, but she was being serious. I told her the one thing that I know I do that attracts guys – be myself. Yeah yeah yeah… I know that’s everyone’s go to advice but honestly it’s what you have to do. I am myself every single second of every single interaction I have with guys. I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything but I’m a pretty funny girl – plus I’m somewhat attractive which increases my funny factor by at least a million!

Now, like I’ve said before my first real relationship about fifty-leven years ago, I was never myself. My family, my friends, even my college coach made comments to me that I should never let any guy ((or anyone for that matter)) hold me back and silence me. I love to talk… about everything except my feelings to guys and it was so different with him because although he was, in a way, silencing me, he also tried harder than anyone to get me to open up… I felt like he wanted to fix me but I don’t want nor need to be fixed. Between him and my last serious boyfriend I would say that I’m more than a little apprehensive when it comes to guys.

I really don’t date that often but I flirt, a lot. No one is in love with me but I am always interested in someone. I have insecurities – we all do – from body issues to my friends and family all the way to relationships. I listen and try my best to give my friends advice but no one seems to know when to push me into talking when I need it the most. These are just some things that I have put together over the last few days in a slightly over emotional state of mind.

So, to my friend I say there is no reason to be jealous. I love myself – a lot – and I love my relationships, but this is not the ideal place to be. I moved into a new apartment this week and since my cable hasn’t been hooked up yet I found myself in a Sex In The City marathon and had to share this Carrie quote with you guys: “I am someone who is looking for love. Real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” That’s what I want. Real Love. I’m not talking about being “in love” because I’m not really convinced that is anything more than deep friendship combined with lust… I want to be loved honestly and wholly but I’m also pretty positive that if I’m looking for this type of love, it isn’t going to find me anytime soon.lower your expectations gif

And since I just mentioned it, let’s talk about when it comes down to a deep friendship combined with lust. My best friend came to town this weekend and we started talking about the guys in my life and I came to the realization that you absolutely can’t help how you feel about a person. Even if it’s the wrong person for you or the wrong circumstances it doesn’t stop how you feel. I have a guy friends that I have some pretty heated ummmmm tension with and that is it. None of us want anything that even slightly resembles a relationship but that doesn’t stop the jealousy bug from rearing its head out at the most inopportune times… Just know that if you try to cross the line with your guy friends it typically ends up tearing up your group of friends and at least three or four people end up hating each other and then you only hang out on random occasions, like birthdays, where there’s a ton of other people around and you don’t have to have that awkward conversation about how guilty you feel that you haven’t seen each other in a while. What? Does that sound like a real life sitch?? Man! I am good at making ish about my life. But really – the only people that successfully made the jump from the friend zone were Chandler and Monica from Friends and let me remind you – that is fictional.Monica And Chandler Everyone knows that Friends is the best show of all time and we are all obsessed with their characters but let’s be real – that ish never happens in real life. You just build up that tension with your friend that you sometimes think you should be with and most of the time think you shouldn’t and have mini panic attacks and make drunken choices that end up being either the best or the worst. And I have made both numerous times.Friend Zone I’m not saying that you shouldn’t follow your heart… I’m saying figure out what you want before you do. There’s a lot at stake there. What do you guys think? Do you take a leap of faith or just wait for fate to take its course? I don’t know but I am pretty sure that it’s all part of the plan. All of this worry and confusion will have a point and God knows that I can’t wait to see what it is. Good or Bad, I’m about ready for that outcome.

HOWEVER – to end this post on a less serious vibe – I did meet some new guys this weekend ((long distance – yuck – that might just have to be what my next post is on actually)) and last but certainly not least – one of my other guy friends {OBV not one of the guys I’m talking about above, puhlease, Girl’s got some standards} got arrested for having intercourse [PG version you guys] in public. 2 Broke Girls gifSee?? Such a lighter note and just a little reassurance that your weekend ended better than my friend’s did 😉