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Heads UP Guys

Let’s get down to it ladies. Straight to the walk of shame. ohtheshameSaturday and Sunday morning regrets – typically traumatizing – leave a funnier legacy than the immediate embarrassment that we all usually feel. At some point in me and my friends lives we have found ourselves deliberating on how to escape a guys apartment. Obviously it’s much easier and better when the guy you’re seeing is at your place and can leave whenever he wants or whenever you throw out some kind of Ooohhh I’m so tired/I have lunch plans with my friends in 20 minutes/You’re still here?! excuse if need be. But it doesn’t always work that way… so when you’re sitting in this dudes apartment trying to decide if the outfit you wore out last night will cause some rando to throw money at you and ask how much or if it can pass as a  just went shopping look (right, at 9 in the morning, everyone believes that), start trying to figure out your next move. This is the tricky part though… it’s all about reading between the lines. What do you want to come from the previous night? If you like the guy and want to stay but he’s getting dressed like it’s some freaking race, he’s not into you obviously and you should bow out gracefully. But maybe he offers you a shirt to go home in or says it’s ok to take the one you slept in… I take this as a good sign. He clearly wouldn’t want to deal with getting his crap back from a chick he never wants to see again… but on the same note – if you don’t like this guy and regret staying over, don’t be dumb and don’t take his ish! Back to the task at hand – getting out of there! So after some witty banter and some major avoidance, you make it to your car – and if you’re lucky enough to have a friend with you ((like I so often am… the bestest friends, I’m telling you)) you rehash the playings of the night before. You laugh about climbing a tree, stealing kisses at a bar <or on a couch – you know who you are>, the note that the neighbor left on your door <again you know who you are>  and about the songs that became a theme for the night and then what? In my experiences it usually involves replaying every detail over and over again and waiting for the call or text days later. And the longer the wait, the hotter he gets and the more you build up a relationship in your head and the angry hot hookup you will have the next time you see each other. HA! Just kidding guys… ish :/ As frustrating as guys are don’t make any moves first! Don’t text him, it’s a mistake. Along with that – the next time you go out and have another drunken mess of a night – do NOT under any circumstance drunk text him!! Because even if you delete the message from your phone the next morning and apologize to him by blaming it on the alcohol there is no eliminating them from his phone… even if you don’t remember sending them. They are no doubt the best for Sat/Sun morning stories {personal experiences? Of course – but I barely live to write about them} but they come with some consequences that make them seriously not worth it!

I’m going to end this with a few words of wisdom from the queen of shame herself, Marilyn Monroe: “Well behaved women rarely make history” – so let’s misbehave, get into some more shenanigans and tell all of our friends so we have something to laugh about.

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