Woah, It’s 2013 already?

I can’t believe that 2012 is over. I still have 10 pounds I want to lose, there’s still hardly anything in my savings, I still haven’t traveled outside the country and I’m still not in the mindset to settle down – so I ask: How is it possible that it’s already the end of the year?! Time clearly flies when you’re having fun so while I loved my 2012 year, I’m going to make sure to take advantage of everything in 2013. The first thing I’m going to take advantage of is New Year’s Eve. It always catches me surprise… I always forget about it until the last second and then I have to scramble to make some sort of earth shattering plans… and on top of the scramble of making plans it’s freaking stressful!! I stress about finding the perfect NYE outfit – why is there so much pressure about what you wear on NYE? It all ends the same… at some random bar with some outfit I’ll never wear again [that was way too much money] with my feet ACHING because I decided that the stilettos, do in fact, look better than the platforms I intended to wear. On top of that, can we just be reminded that it is the end of December… aka it’s FREEZING!! So we girls get to wear a short dress, heels and maybe tights for the reason that it’s New Year’s Eve. No other reason. It’s bogus. 381857_10100375990394108_1547525180_n Also, WHY is everything so expensive? Why do I need to pay $130 plus dollars to go into a bar that I go into every weekend ((COVER FREE)) and is super lame. You’re always going to have a great time if you just hang out with your friends… and do anything… like seriously, it’s always better. And if you feel like you sense a little bit of tension towards the paying to go to bars on NYE, you are spot on. Let’s rewind back a couple years to the NYE of 2010… my friends and I paid 100 bucks to go to a bar in Buckhead and wind up getting a pepper spray bomb dropped right behind us. WORST. EXPERIENCE. EVER! We spent the whole night putting milk soaked paper towels all over our bodies… drunk. 164858_614498882602_2213940_nNo bueno I can assure you! So on NYE 2012, I vow to talk to some guys, drink, give dirty looks (the usual) and dance my face off to begin embracing the new year!



Ladies and Gentlemen – my best friend

This is how my friends treat me when I pay their siblings a compliment:


This is just typical… but really – don’t mess with us. We straight gangsta first betch! <<Not sure why I thought that would make me seem anymore hard than I already am, but once I write it down there’s no backsiess>>


We are in fact as innocent as we look. Image

What to do??

Merry ChristmasHappy New Year – All of that hoopla! Hope you had a fantastic holiday with your family and didn’t end throwing up in the bathroom after three too many glasses of eggnog ((NO that is NOT from personal experience)). I spent a lot of the holiday break reminiscing about the old days and the typical fighting off questions of when I’m going to produce great grandkids. One night we were flipping through some old photos {and I have to take a timeout to say that I was the cutest kid EVER – and no I don’t care how vain that sounds} and came across a few from my more scandy times as a child.IMAG0036 I clearly started out young on the guy front… but this particular picture shows a facial expression that I made again quite recently.IMAG0034So I present this question to you: Have you ever been really really into a guy… until you kissed? There is nothing worse than after a fantastic night of flirting, laughing, a few touches and some lingering looks to get to the night’s finale and be disappointed. I mean what are you supposed to do when you get hit with a guy that has a wayyyyy different idea of what a “good kiss” is. What happens when you like this guy? Do we just take one for the team and stay in the game or move on to the guy in the line up? Let’s be real here, that first kiss (or makeout) is supposed to set the tone for your potential relationship… I’m at a loss here. I have no clue. I don’t know whether you are supposed to start dating some guy that is a TERRIBLE kisser but has every other quality that you look for in a guy or whether you move on. I guess if you look at the circumstances around your bad kiss I can put it into some sort of perspective. Let’s say the kiss happens when you both have had a few too many champagne cocktails or maybe he’s super nervous… maybe he has some performance anxiety and you can work past it? I’ve never thought that kissing might take some practice but I guess it can take as much work as some relationships do. So here’s what I’m going to do – Next time I’m with this guy, I’m going to set some time for a good old-fashioned high school makeout sesh! Maybe I’ll teach him a few things, plus what better way to pass the time? So to any girl that has been bitten, slobbered on, or given the tongue of death, I totes feel your pain… but I’m going in for the hard work and I will give a full report on my findings!

1339690131390_1384368Seeeeeee… I told you I was CUTE 😉


2012 – live like it’s the end of the world

In 2012 I learned a lot about myself…. I spent time with my best friends, stood up for myself, drank a lot of green tea and/or alcohol, went to some weddings, kissed some guys (and liked it… a lot), danced on a few bars, got close with some amazing new girlfriends, gossiped, vented, got into a fair share of arguments, ate a lot of junk and figured out some things about my life that I’m proud of and not so proud of. So below I’m going to write out some of the things I’m taking with me into 2013. And who knows, maybe it’ll help you in the new year.


** Don’t be friends with your ex.


Before this year I would go back and forth on this argument but now I would like you to know that I wholeheartedly do not believe that exes can be friends. There were many parts of my life that I shared with said ex ((including a dog that I still get depressed about at least once a week)) but I know that the only reason I stayed friends with him is because I wanted him to stay a part of my life not because I value his friendship. After about the fourth time he demolished my heart, I wrote a letter {One that was never responded to… a hole} and decided that no, I don’t value his friendship and I deserve more. So lesson learned – I will not try to maintain a friendship with anymore of my exes.

** Say what’s on your mind.

I know that I am difficult and sometimes impossible to handle. I am obnoxious and I don’t think any man will be able to be with me FOR LIFE [No one can handle my sarcastic personality and overwhelming good looks all the time 😉 HOLLLAA Hubby # 2]. But I think that your honest feelings and words are important enough to share. Especially with your friends. That’s why we are there in each other’s lives… to be open and real and tell each other ish we don’t want to hear.

**Don’t be an idiot – mutual lust is where it’s at.

So a little thing I worked on this year was moving on. You should know this from my previous posts… I have a lot of guys in my life and not all of them are solid relationships – enter BENand that moronic slight obsession– and unrequited lust is not ok. <<SIDENOTE if you haven’t listened to Unrequited Love by Lykke Li… or haven’t listened to any Lykke Li ish you need to get with it because it’s ab fab and goes with this point>> You should be with someone that likes you just as much as you like them… not as much as they can, not just when you guys are alone and not in their own way. That’s all BS. Eff that noise. We have got to like someone that likes us back and we can’t let guys pile on excuses and lies that we let go because they like us. Pain happens. It’s ok to be damaged. It is not ok to bring someone into that deep dark hole.


** Have a good core that you can be open about any and EVERYthing with.


Alright, I might be more than a little biased when I say this but my besties really are the most incredible people I know. Some people say that laughter’s the best medicine and I agree about 100% and with my besties it means laughing so hard we cry and our faces hurt from smiling and laughing so much. You have to have someone that will tell you when there’s something in your teeth or when you’re dating a douche… it’s awkward sometimes and upsetting but your best friends care about you and they have your back! There are never any judgments with this core group because with ours more than likely someone’s done it before. They help you open up and bring about a confidence (in me at least) that’s the most important thing in a relationship. So I love you betches and I think I will in fact keep you in the new year.



** My face gives away more than my mouth EVER will.


I don’t know anyone that doesn’t give dirty looks. It’s basically a second language for me seeing as I probably give more looks than I communicate verbally. But it’s like, why waste energy and time talking about our feelings when one look can say it all?? I’ve gotten pretty good at it… a master even… but in 2013, I’m going to tone it down a notch because at some point or another they are going to get me in trouble. — Seriously… it’s coming.


** December is… the month of reflection.

It should come as no shock to anyone that I didn’t keep any of my new year’s resolutions. Any of them. But that’s ok because now I can reflect and come up with some worth upholding for next year. Psych! I’m over that – no more resolutions just a celebration of being amazing! I mean resolutions like lose weight, drink less, etc… these can’t be resolutions if you tell yourself this all year long as you continually do things that do not reinforce them! No one sticks to these things… like ever. But let’s back up, I can’t get ahead of myself… because before Jan. 1 – also known as the first day of failing at said resolutions – is Dec. 31 ((GENIUS)) and I can’t wait to end this fantabulous year with a big fat blackout bang!!! One of my friends [the italics should indicate he’s not anymore – and he sucks] made a toast few years ago on NYE that was and still is the best thing I have ever heard. He said that New Year’s is like the circle of life… starting the new year the same way you were born… not remembering anything! So find your best dress ladies and go out with a bang <pun not intended> because that sounds like the perfect recipe for a fab 2013!

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Heads UP Guys

Let’s get down to it ladies. Straight to the walk of shame. ohtheshameSaturday and Sunday morning regrets – typically traumatizing – leave a funnier legacy than the immediate embarrassment that we all usually feel. At some point in me and my friends lives we have found ourselves deliberating on how to escape a guys apartment. Obviously it’s much easier and better when the guy you’re seeing is at your place and can leave whenever he wants or whenever you throw out some kind of Ooohhh I’m so tired/I have lunch plans with my friends in 20 minutes/You’re still here?! excuse if need be. But it doesn’t always work that way… so when you’re sitting in this dudes apartment trying to decide if the outfit you wore out last night will cause some rando to throw money at you and ask how much or if it can pass as a  just went shopping look (right, at 9 in the morning, everyone believes that), start trying to figure out your next move. This is the tricky part though… it’s all about reading between the lines. What do you want to come from the previous night? If you like the guy and want to stay but he’s getting dressed like it’s some freaking race, he’s not into you obviously and you should bow out gracefully. But maybe he offers you a shirt to go home in or says it’s ok to take the one you slept in… I take this as a good sign. He clearly wouldn’t want to deal with getting his crap back from a chick he never wants to see again… but on the same note – if you don’t like this guy and regret staying over, don’t be dumb and don’t take his ish! Back to the task at hand – getting out of there! So after some witty banter and some major avoidance, you make it to your car – and if you’re lucky enough to have a friend with you ((like I so often am… the bestest friends, I’m telling you)) you rehash the playings of the night before. You laugh about climbing a tree, stealing kisses at a bar <or on a couch – you know who you are>, the note that the neighbor left on your door <again you know who you are>  and about the songs that became a theme for the night and then what? In my experiences it usually involves replaying every detail over and over again and waiting for the call or text days later. And the longer the wait, the hotter he gets and the more you build up a relationship in your head and the angry hot hookup you will have the next time you see each other. HA! Just kidding guys… ish :/ As frustrating as guys are don’t make any moves first! Don’t text him, it’s a mistake. Along with that – the next time you go out and have another drunken mess of a night – do NOT under any circumstance drunk text him!! Because even if you delete the message from your phone the next morning and apologize to him by blaming it on the alcohol there is no eliminating them from his phone… even if you don’t remember sending them. They are no doubt the best for Sat/Sun morning stories {personal experiences? Of course – but I barely live to write about them} but they come with some consequences that make them seriously not worth it!

I’m going to end this with a few words of wisdom from the queen of shame herself, Marilyn Monroe: “Well behaved women rarely make history” – so let’s misbehave, get into some more shenanigans and tell all of our friends so we have something to laugh about.