Have you ever sent a text and immediately regretted pressing send?? I have been guilty of this more often than I would like to admit [Most recently with my text to one of my current flavor-of-the-months yesterday]. Question – who likes to get a text message that says “Ok”? Answer – NO ONE and that’s exactly what I sent WITH an exclamation point! Yep… “Ok!” is what I sent in response to being turned down at the suggestion of hanging out. <I am shaking my head at myself right now> Don’t know where this over-eager person came from where I face rejection with a bright smile and a peppy “Ok!” but she’s here… and embarrassing. Get her OUTTA HERE!
More than likely the overanalyzing of this stupid stupid text is stemming from the fact that I have yet
ANOTHER wedding to go to this weekend… by myself. I get to answer the questions of being 24 and single when my 23 year old cousin is getting married and beginning her ab fab life of no longer marking single on her tax returns and staying in and sober on weekend nights. Now don’t take my comments as bitterness. There’s nothing wrong with being 23 and married but there’s also nothing wrong with feeling like you’re about 5 plus years away from staying sober on a Friday night with the hubs ((Enter tales from my crazy weekend with friends)). It’s obviously the right move for my cousin and more than a few of my best friends from high school and college have been married for more than a couple of years now and they have wonderful relationships with their spouses that I am incapable of having with ANY guy right now. I DO eventually want to get married but right now I love to party, flirt, kiss randoms and spend entirely too much time coaching high schoolers in a gym. None of that equals ready to settle down… plus as my mom likes to remind me that I am in no place in my life to have a joint bank account with a man because I have a SERIOUS shopping problem. But with all of those EXTREMELY valid reasons why I am not at a place in my life to be married… I still feel left out. It seems as though I am the eternally single friend at all of these weddings so I do feel a little pressure to at LEAST get into some sort of committed relationship. This brings me full circle to my regrettable text message.
I want to be that girl that just ends the conversation… just because. I do have SOOOOO many other things going on around me that I usually have nothing left to contribute to the text stream… Yep… you guessed it. I am a slight control freak. But with this particular guy, it NEVER HAPPENS. I always make some stupid comment that he doesn’t respond to and it drives me INSANE. I kid you not… after I was dumb today, I vowed that I was done with him. Period. As my dear friend Jay-Z likes to say “I’m on to the next one, on to the next” and I’m not looking back — that is until he texts me next weekend and says “What are you doing?” then I’m hooked again damnit. I feel stupid that I see the signs to just give it up but continually ignore them… I know I should just move on to someone that wants to see me and initiates conversation with ME instead of me teetering on the verge of desperation with a meager “Are you going out tonight?” text but I keep going back. Ok but here’s the deal… The TRUTH of the matter is that you definitely can’t help how you feel about a person. I think it might have been Bear Bryant that said “Feelings aren’t right or wrong… they just are.” ((Totally heard this on Grey’s this week and remembered my mom using this line on me when I was younger)) My mom also used to say that although feelings aren’t necessarily right or wrong, the way you handle them can be. So this is what I’m saying – if you start to realize that your potential boyfriend prospect is really just an accessory put him back in there and move on to your next prospect. Yep, another The Gaggle reference… that book is legit. Honestly…
MIND BLOWN! I’m taking my own advice this time. I really am putting my best foot forward and moving on. Or at least I’m going to make an honest-to-God attempt to do so… I’ll let you know how it goes!