Friendship.

Hello Hello HELLOOOO. Remember me? No? Yeah, I know… I’m sorry I’ve been mia as of late but these last few weeks have been absolutely packed!! But I’m making time for you now so please forgive me for neglecting my blog. This is going to be a little somber of a post but it’s been a bit rough lately. Dealing with guy drama is normal for me but when I have to deal with work, friendships, guys and family stuff at the same time – everything gets a little out of control and weird and depressing and scary all at once. It’s overwhelming. I’m overwhelmed.

They say bad news comes in threes… well when it comes to me, I believe that it comes in the tens. Stressing over money… or the lack of it, praying that I passed my teaching certification so that maybe I can get my life together and have a career, having one of your best friends pissed at you and then finding out your favorite aunt has cancer and doesn’t want to fight it and that your great-grandfather is on his last leg is a lot to handle. I think it would be a lot for anyone to handle… I don’t think it’s just me. It’s times like these where you put things into perspective. Trivial things like a fight with a friend about something that happened in the past doesn’t seem as important when you have things like death lingering around you but then again, not having that friend when you are dealing with these things brings it back around full circle where you need to take the time to fix it. I pride myself on my honesty… I think sometimes that maybe I am too honest but I think that my feelings are important. I will always believe that speaking your mind is the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone’s feelings. My friend and I currently have a difference of opinion but I think it’s important to talk about it. I think our friendship is important enough to talk it out. I suggested doing it over drinks because I’m a firm believer that the best convos happen over cocktails. There’s a little more openness and truthfulness with alcohol that make conversations a lot more real and if it leads to an argument… well, that’s ok! Because it’s ok to argue. We all know that the ones that drive you crazy are the ones that you love the most, so it’s ok to get mad and to voice how you feel but I also think it’s ok to be modest enough to apologize. Apologize and don’t ever hold a grudge… you never know when the last words you say to someone will be your last.

I believe it’s important to see both sides to an argument and to move on. I believe having solid friendships is healthy and listening will go a long way. I don’t believe in the silent treatment, but am guilty of doing it. I believe in love and I believe in bonds between the people you are closest with and that everything can be ok. I believe in happy endings.

Reflections, Bad Decisions… you know… the USUAL

“I don’t understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.” – Charlie Sheen

**I am going to apologize in advance [or warn you really] that this post is all over the place and my raging hormones are to blame – continue reading if you must but this one is a doozy, believe me**

One of my closest girl friends told me not too long ago that “all the guys flock to you.” I laughed and was like obviously, I mean look at all of my boyfriends, but she was being serious. I told her the one thing that I know I do that attracts guys – be myself. Yeah yeah yeah… I know that’s everyone’s go to advice but honestly it’s what you have to do. I am myself every single second of every single interaction I have with guys. I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything but I’m a pretty funny girl – plus I’m somewhat attractive which increases my funny factor by at least a million!

Now, like I’ve said before my first real relationship about fifty-leven years ago, I was never myself. My family, my friends, even my college coach made comments to me that I should never let any guy ((or anyone for that matter)) hold me back and silence me. I love to talk… about everything except my feelings to guys and it was so different with him because although he was, in a way, silencing me, he also tried harder than anyone to get me to open up… I felt like he wanted to fix me but I don’t want nor need to be fixed. Between him and my last serious boyfriend I would say that I’m more than a little apprehensive when it comes to guys.

I really don’t date that often but I flirt, a lot. No one is in love with me but I am always interested in someone. I have insecurities – we all do – from body issues to my friends and family all the way to relationships. I listen and try my best to give my friends advice but no one seems to know when to push me into talking when I need it the most. These are just some things that I have put together over the last few days in a slightly over emotional state of mind.

So, to my friend I say there is no reason to be jealous. I love myself – a lot – and I love my relationships, but this is not the ideal place to be. I moved into a new apartment this week and since my cable hasn’t been hooked up yet I found myself in a Sex In The City marathon and had to share this Carrie quote with you guys: “I am someone who is looking for love. Real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.” That’s what I want. Real Love. I’m not talking about being “in love” because I’m not really convinced that is anything more than deep friendship combined with lust… I want to be loved honestly and wholly but I’m also pretty positive that if I’m looking for this type of love, it isn’t going to find me anytime soon.

And since I just mentioned it, let’s talk about when it comes down to a deep friendship combined with lust. My best friend came to town this weekend and we started talking about the guys in my life and I came to the realization that you absolutely can’t help how you feel about a person. Even if it’s the wrong person for you or the wrong circumstances it doesn’t stop how you feel. I have a guy friends that I have some pretty heated ummmmm tension with and that is it. None of us want anything that even slightly resembles a relationship but that doesn’t stop the jealousy bug from rearing its head out at the most inopportune times… Just know that if you try to cross the line with your guy friends it typically ends up tearing up your group of friends and at least three or four people end up hating each other and then you only hang out on random occasions, like birthdays, where there’s a ton of other people around and you don’t have to have that awkward conversation about how guilty you feel that you haven’t seen each other in a while. What? Does that sound like a real life sitch?? Man! I am good at making ish about my life. But really – the only people that successfully made the jump from the friend zone were Chandler and Monica from Friends and let me remind you – that is fictional. Everyone knows that Friends is the best show of all time and we are all obsessed with their characters but let’s be real – that ish never happens in real life. You just build up that tension with your friend that you sometimes think you should be with and most of the time think you shouldn’t and have mini panic attacks and make drunken choices that end up being either the best or the worst. And I have made both numerous times. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t follow your heart… I’m saying figure out what you want before you do. There’s a lot at stake there. What do you guys think? Do you take a leap of faith or just wait for fate to take its course? I don’t know but I am pretty sure that it’s all part of the plan. All of this worry and confusion will have a point and God knows that I can’t wait to see what it is. Good or Bad, I’m about ready for that outcome.

HOWEVER – to end this post on a less serious vibe – I did meet some new guys this weekend ((long distance – yuck – that might just have to be what my next post is on actually)) and last but certainly not least – one of my other guy friends {OBV not one of the guys I’m talking about above, puhlease, Girl’s got some standards} got arrested for having intercourse [PG version you guys] in public. See?? Such a lighter note and just a little reassurance that your weekend ended better than my friend’s did 😉

Just some things my 20s have taught me

– Things are so much more fun with a drink in your hand.

– If you ignore a bill, it becomes a more expensive bill and no one secretly pays it for you.

– There is no such thing as a friend with benefits. Someone’s feelings are always involved, no matter how much you try to deny it.

– People who floss think they’re better than everyone else.

– It is not cool to take a million pictures of yourself and post them on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.

– No one truly wants your advice when they ask for it.

– People with IPhones also think they’re better than everyone else and they are definitely not. Still have yet to get an accurately worded email from one.

– Breaking up and getting back together is NOT normal and there is NO REASON TO EVER GET BACK WITH AN EX. Everyone knows that the sequels always flop. Helloooo… everyone remember Grease 2?? And Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. I mean commmeee onnnn!!!

– Any girl who doesn’t always have a hair tie on her wrist can’t be trusted.

– People who get offended easily are exhausting to be friends with… aka I’m NOT friends with anyone who does.

– If a guy gets the wrong idea and thinks he’s on a date with you, you should offer to hook up with his friend to be clear.

– You can count the number of real friends you have on your two hands. Most of the people you meet in your 20s go in and out of your lives… the amount of true friends you have that will truly do anything for you are limited. There’s no need to have a 50 person entourage… you aren’t famous. Get real.

– How to make 30 bucks last me an entire week. You learn the true value of money in your 20s… and it sucks.

– At some point you are going to hook up with somebody that you would never SPEAK to sober in the daylight. Consider it your good deed for the world… you are welcome!

– Posting a list of random ish is most definitely a maj cop-out to actually writing a real blog post… but that’s how it’s going down!

Morning after… G rated

Small disclaimer prior to this post… this is a picture happy post! You’ve been warned, proceed with caution…

I absolutely can’t promise that this blog will make any sense whatsoever because I’m still intoxicated from last night… but the fact that I’m posting the day after my birthday has got to count for something! My hangover has passed every single one I’ve had in my past so I’m definitely curing it with… ((drumroll))… yep, you guessed it – Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s with the girls. To say that last night was epic would be a HUGE understatement. It was beyond epic and I have no clue what word I should use to describe my birthday. But as far as I know I did not get punched in the stomach this year (COURTNEYYYYYY) – so at least 25 is off to a great start!

Guys… I’m 25. Holy Hell.

I’m TWENTY-FIVE!!! Holy Hell!

Let’s just forget about my old age and give a little looksy to a few pictures from last night.

Just to reinforce how well my night was (like you couldn’t tell from those photos), I camped out next to my toilet and threw up like I was some sort of supermodel. I talked to the porcelain throne like it was a friend and promised to never drink again if I could just go back to sleep in peace. I now know how my best friend from college felt when we threw her 21^st bday party… [I out did myself for that one] So that’s what my night came to… talking… to a toilet. That’s how freaking terrible I felt. Also – not to take anything away from the toilet but I woke up this morning with nothing but Boy Toy Brad ((The blowup doll my wonderful friends got me last night – see above picture))… as in no purse, dead phone – the whole shebang! And of COURSE I couldn’t wake up at my own apartment… nope that would have been too easy a sitch to handle!

But all in all my 25^th was a hit! Great night with great friends. Can’t wait to see what next weekend has in store… because you know that all true betches get a birthday month. This party isn’t ending with one night of shame! I still have one more weekend to kick it into gear. Look forward to that post, it will be… wait for it… LEGEN… DARY**!

** Yeah, How I Met Your Mother is definitely on my top 5 ((hence the Barney quote right there))